Drained

[Jlh]

And how do I show her I am capable of moving on when she knows I want to preserve the marriage?

How do you think you would show her? You show her that you are moving on.....by really moving on.

Look, she is divorcing you. You have to stop thinking of every move as some strategy that's going to open her eyes and change her mind. You haven't detached, and doing things as a family with her, hoping she'll see what she is giving up.........doesn't work!

Now, you are wondering how tough you should get about the things she wants in the D. It sounds as if you still see it as a strategy and thinking if you just hand her everything she wants......it will soften her heart toward you. Forget about when she'll wake up. When are you going to wake up?

Sandi2 is right, I tried to do the "invite husband along with me and my son on family outings so he'd see what he's missing out on" and it doesn't work. If anything he seems to have a good time and then the next day he is distant again and sulky again. This is my recent personal experience on that, I thought it would open his eyes and it does not. Detaching and doing my own thing and making myself busy helps me, and I've noticed he's become a bit curious about my being busy or going out when he comes over to see our son. If I feel generous, I just give a little comment on going to the store when I get home, and I do not walk him to the front door anymore to lock it behind him when he leaves, I let him see himself out and I ignore the hurt sound in his voice.

Basically, I'm just saying that you have to be tough and take care of you. I didn't believe it at first regarding detaching may help them come around, but it seems to be working a bit regarding some actions and comments husband makes. You just have to be casual and not give any notice that you are eager once they say something that sounds positive or they go running again.