I have been offline for a while, since I practically could not post at all, but lets see if this works without contraction symbols.
Obviously lot has happened during these weeks offline, but I have realized that its true what everyone says: time helps. I have felt lot better, have practically not been obsessing anymore, have done some serious GALling and started to take my life back.
I can see that before my all DB actions have been aiming to R, but what have changed is that now my goal is to heal and to be the best version of myself. If my W dont want to enjoy that new version, someone else will at some day.
I tried to turn every stone to not miss any possibility to R. But as so many of you have told, if WW wakes up at all, usually it dont happen until LBS have stopped trying when it might be too late. I always reasoned that I should continue being emotional with W etc, since my case was so different me being that neglecting in past. But then I thought that my W have followed every other line in classical WW script so why would it be different in the sense of her waking up after me being emotional. So I stopped pursuing completely and started focusing in detaching.
And eventually that made things so much easier for me. I almost felt good from time to time - until today.
We have had disagreements regarding financial matters and W have been angrier than usual. She then today said that she cannot live like this anymore and she wants to go forward in life and start dating. She explained that now when I was travelling for work last week, she felt first time that she did not have to worry what happens there with other women - even though nothing never happened - since it no longer is her business. She also said that she knows that I have changed but its too late and she cannot receive my love anymore, but she still feels bad that someone else can enjoy the new me...
So, it seems that W starts openly dating other man or men. That means that I dont consider us being married anymore and file for D. Naturally Im in very low point at the moment, but my DB continues with a single goal to make myself the best possible man.
