[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[sandi2]

I know my responses were rather harsh (I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive, so maybe I didn't do a great job).

I don't think they were "harsh" at all. The WW needs for the H to be firm, decisive, and strong when she is pulling this kind of stuff. That is not what a nice guy wants to do. He wants to validate! Validating is right up his alley.

"Because clearly I am out of line." I will respond soon...

Can you not see how that is manipulative? Why do you feel you have to give her a response. Yesterday when your phone was out and she wasn't hearing from you......she was trying everything. When she ran out of manipulative things to say, then tried "I'm sorry".

I think every message she sends is just a more and more desperate attempt to get me to cave and beg her to not be "mad" anymore.

Was that the usual pattern in the R dynamics? You would beg her to not be mad? Then it put her up even higher on her throne of entitlement.

She is getting scared that I really might not want to talk to her.

So why do you want to rescue her? She's not scared you won't talk to her. She's scared she just might lose some control over you.......now that you seem to have something growing between your legs.

But I think she is nervous. Also, if she were to kick me out or I were to leave, her life would become miserable, at least while she is here.

Careful, Mr. Nice Guy. You are giving her a lot of credit for thinking logically.

I do not know the status of the A or OM. But of course she can't be so stupid to see it working. It certainly isn't going to provide her much fulfillment in the near term. She may have changed her method of contacting him, but she isn't "online" all the time like she used to be. She isn't staying up all night talking to him (she also has to share a room during her assignment and check in at 6 am, so part of this is hindered logistically). I am not getting my hopes up or really trying to analyze it.

Careful..........

But the fact that she calls me all the time and wants me to be her "vent box" (her words) and sends me wall pages of texts about her day does sort of feel like doesn't have someone else to do this with...again it might mean nothing at all, I am not hanging anything on it. Bottom line is she "needs" me far more than she would ever want to admit and I am not unaware of that fact.

You just said she was hindered logistically. So, be careful where this is taking you, 44.

Now about not knowing the status of the A or OM. How long has it been since they contacted each other......that you know or suspect? It hasn't been too long ago you caught her in her room in the very wee hours of the morning talking with, assumingly, OM......and she freaked. and then later, she was texting, while turning where you couldn't see........and wanting you to cater to her.

Anyway........don't cave to her, imagining she is thinking something or feeling a certain way. She is wayward, and I haven't met a newbie yet (with NGS) that didn't underestimate his WW's mindset and selfish intent. Don't reassure her......and don't try to rescue her. She needs to go through this experience. You may not get another opportunity quite this easy. This could be the beginning of turning this ship around.