[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[44tries]

O boy so much discussion... thank you everyone! I have a lot of thoughts and will respond to different topics individually. First, I am going to update about last night and today because I hope to get input, especially from Sandi.

Last night, I went to a meetup. Just before I left, W called for her now daily phone chat. I told her I was on the way out the door but if she wanted to talk while I drove, that's fine. She did her usual venting about her work assignment (she is very frustrated about that), talked about summer plans and wanting to plan a trip together and some other things. I mostly let her talk and basically "uh-huh-ed". When I got to my destination, I told her I had to get off and goodbye.

She sent me some messages while I was at the meet up. "Please don't drink since you're driving. Be careful." Later, "Let me know when you leave and when you make it home safe?" I did not respond to any of these for a few hours. When I did, I said "Don't worry. Okay." (I know I probably shouldn't have agree to let her know I made it home).

Then she messaged me a bit later and asked if I was still out and how was my night going. This was around midnight. I told her "yes, it's fun." Then she asked if I was drinking and meeting new people. "No. Yes." THEN, she asked if I was flirting. Here we go again. I said "are you going to ask me that every time I go anywhere?" She said "maybe". I said, "Well it is not acceptable." "Yeah, why not?" "Because you do not have authority over me." "Wow. Okay." I did not respond the rest of the night. Did not let her know when I made it home, which wasn't until 2am and she was asleep anyway.

I woke up this morning to a message that said, "Also thanks for lying to me and not letting me know when you made it home." I did not respond. A couple hours later, another message: "You've really upset me." Almost an hour later, I replied "Look, I'm going to put this simply. All your questions are overbearing. You're going to have to try a different approach because this one is not going to work."

She says, "I won't be bothering you anymore." I don't respond. A half hour later, "Seems you don't see that I care. Seems you don't want me to give a f*ck. Seems you don't care how upset I am. Seems you want to go and do whatever you want. So it's granted. You are free to do what you want with no regard for me. So you have full separation and freedom." Again, I do not respond for quite some time because I had a picnic to go to and was busy getting ready.

Now, I did not realize my data plan had expired and needed to be repurchased. I left for the picnic intending to reply eventually (was really struggling with what my response should be). But, I could not reply or receive any further contact after I left the house. I went and enjoyed the picnic and didn't get home until 7 hours had passed from her last message. As I drove home, I had anxiety. I was mad at myself because I felt this meant there was a hole in my detachment.

As expected, my phone was flooded when I finally regained service. The first was a message she sent about two hours after her last one that said "I'm sorry." (did she realize she was being crazy?? I have no idea, not really sure what she was saying sorry for.) Then, another two hours, she had sent a message updating me about her work situation and that she would likely be home next weekend and was letting me know "in case she couldn't find a ride from the airport". another hour, she messages can I at least let her know I am getting her messages, they are saying they aren't delivered. Another hour, "also it's [dog's] birthday, please hug him for me and be nice to him today." Finally, yet another hour later and shortly before I was home, "44, why aren't you answering any of my calls or texts? You're really starting to worry me, please at least let me know that you're okay." I also had a message from her co-worker saying she couldn't get a hold of me and he was checking to see if I was okay.

SO, I finally responded and said "I'm sorry, I didn't have any service and didn't realize it. I am okay." She said thank you for letting me know you're okay. Then I said something brief about her work in response to her update. She said I was not obligated to talk to her now that she knew I was okay. I said I don't feel obligated. She said well read my message from earlier, referring to the original crazy person message. I said "yes I read it. I said you cannot drill me with questions. That does not mean I am demanding no contact at all." She said "yeah i'll just leave you alone." I said "okay, if that's what YOU want." Her: "Nope, but I'm going to do it for you." I have not responded. I don't really know where to go from here.