My Scenario Pt.5 - Big D and Detaching the Monster

[OrangeK]

Ah, now you've messed up and stepped on one of my pet peeves. So, let me use this opportunity to make this perfectly clear to newcomer betrayed/left behind spouses. YOU don't "test the waters"! YOU are the lighthouse that stands high on a rock. You don't get down in the water.....period. You are not some wayward dipping his toes in the water and saying, "Oh, I'm just confused and don't know what I want to make me happy". It irks me to no end when I see a LBH take a DB term like this one that doesn't, and shouldn't, apply to the betrayed/left behind spouse. The reason I get riled about it is b/c I see many LBH's using it as an excuse ...........just like you tried to tack it on the end of yours, as if for good measure. You should have just left off that part, Orange, and stuck with the one you originally stated. You guys think I don't see through your b.s., but I do.

Well i wasn't trying to pull the wool over your eyes Sandi, anything less than full transparency would be counterproductive here. Although i totally see your point you are making here, and I plan on adhering to basically what you lay out above, "im not going to backpedal and say i was wrong to do what I did. I still stand by my original statement about how i think it was beneficial to establish that I was in a place to set boundaries and not blindly bend over backwards for any demand or expectation she might have in the future. It did make me feel A LOT more confident in my ability to deal with her in the future when she decides to start handling childcare with me. However moving forward I plan on dealing with MIL unless im totally required to deal with WW.

BTW, it's not just you. I've also seen LBH's use the term "temp checking" their WW. What? Come on! That one nearly makes me come unglued. Newcomers get confused easily enough with all we throw at them........without getting mixed up on the terminology around here. Sooooooo.........the LBH does not test the wayward waters, nor does he check his WW's emotional temperature to see what kind of reading he gets. The thermometer would register that she's still wayward, and that's enough. ((hugs)).

Although i later used the expression "test the waters" in my post, that was not my intention when i reached out to her. Merely to establish some semblance of communication regarding S3. I could give a $hI7 about her emotional temperature. I already know what that is, colder than the 9th circle of Hell. Thermometers dont go down that far into the negative.

That's between you and your lawyer. I thought it was lifted the other day. So clearly, I don't know much about all that's involved. Vanilla may offer some advice. I don't know how much you've read about parallel parenting, but I hope you'll look it up. It may be a better option, IDK.

I dont have a Lawyer anymore for anything regarding the TRO case. Once it was "Resolved" last week, my public defender isn't representing me anymore as the case is closed.
the TRO wasnt life, it was extended a Year at WW's request, and only amended to allow us Text/Email/Mail contact specifically regarding S3 only.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but it goes back to everything I've said in previous posts about her bad behavior and treatment of others. When a woman doesn't respect herself, she's not likely to show respect for others. If she respected herself, I doubt she would have been chasing a M man and purposely trying to destroy his M.......just b/c she was jealous. She would not have started a R with you and purposely gotten pregnant just to "one up" on her EX and his W. If she respected herself, she would not have engaged in sex two hours into a first date with a man she hardly knew! When a woman respects herself, she has higher moral standards. This woman wanted to hurry and catch up with being married and getting pregnant.......just to show her EX BF. And, she used you to accomplish that goal.

Yea, she did use me. Its becoming more and more apparent everyday. Still a shock sometimes, to know she was so good at acting the part of a sweet innocent adorable girl who only had a string of bad luck that its still hard to believe she is the malicious parasite that she is.
She is bad luck personified.

I really appreciate how you took time to explain the whole thing around her pregnancy. I was so stunned, I just thought there had to be something you weren't telling us. And now I'm learning she claimed to have terminated another pregnancy before S3......or maybe two. I don't know how you have any good sense left in your head.

What do you mean you dont know how i have any good sense left in my head?
What part hadn't i told you? i think i mentioned all that before in previous posts.
I definitely think the one pregnancy she "terminated" with me was one in the same with my son being born. I think i only ever get her pregnant once. I also believe the "pregnancy" with her EX was false. I think just like she did with me, she temp checked him and lied about being pregnant then had a "termination" to make him feel bad.

Did you catch her in a lot of lies, other than these you've shared with us?

Not during the R, but after BD and up to today? i Learn more things she lied about on a weekly basis.

I would not be a bit surprised to hear that habitual lying was a part of her everyday behavior.

Absolutely 100%
She lies without even thinking about it.
Did you see where i posted about her IG post with our son?
She literally plagurized an Alfred Tennyson quote, and altered it so it was about snacks and claimed my son said it. He doesnt speak full sentences, let alone quote poets.
or last summer when my best friend tagged her and me in a post about us coming up to his camp, but little did i know she was already seeing OM and telling her new circle of friends her and I were already mid divorce, so she deleted our tags off the post so her new friends wouldnt see that her and I were spending time together, and when my friend asked why she deleted the tag she said "oops i deleted it on accident!" She loves photography and took 100s of photos at that trip with the 550$ camera i had bought her to celebrate S3 being born. We did a big group photo, and my best friend kept asking her to post it because it had us all in it. She lied and said she accidentally deleted that as well. She just didn't post it because it contradicted the story about me not being around she had already told OM and her new friends. I have the picture on my laptop, she never deleted it.
LIES. SO many she cant even keep track of them all. Its how she eventually gets caught in lies.
She just did such a good job keeping me distant from anyone from her past that could have revealed her to me, so i had no idea until BD.

Even if she had a psychological label/diagnosis, who knows if she would improve. I realize you still love her, in spite of all she's done.........but my goodness! I fear it would be opening yourself for a life filled with a lot of pain and drama.......and for S3 and any other children born into that union with her. I wish her all the best in the world, but I really hope you won't let her wiggle her little a$$ back into your arms. But, that's not my decision to make.

I don't still love her. I hold a lot of fondness and disappointment for the woman i THOUGHT she was, and THOUGHT i married, but that isn't her. I loved the woman i knew, not the woman who actually exists within her. The illusion is who i miss and love. The illusionist, on the other hand, is a malicious selfish bottom feed of whom i want nothing to do with.
Trust me Sandi, despite being aware she could still pull a string here or there, Her Mask is off, its on the floor. SHe knows she can never hide behind it with me again.
All bets are off.
Divorce, Greystone and she can EFF off. Simple as that.



"I ain't got time to bleed"
~Jesse Ventura - "Predator"