I wasnt a door mat with ex husband. I always argued amd called him out on his very selfish behaviors. (They werent just typical leaving the toilet seat up behaviors..more like sleeping till 3 pm and doing nothing with or for the femaly type of behaviors)
I honestly think i am a bit traumatized by thinking at the end that my calling him out and arguing and having EXPECTATIONS (to save money later found it was going to drugs and alcochol) was wrong of me. That it was my fault. That i was too demanding and too much of a nag.
That was his gaslighting, and maybe my own interpretation of dbing a few years back.
So its carrying over into my new relationship where i feel like i am not someone that others want to be around. Like im not comfortable in my own skin.
I was with a man for years that was leading a double life. He did not love me. It was so obvious looking back. I even recently read this letter he wrote to me when i was going through postpartum and was upset with him. It was all about what a great mom i was. But not about any love he had for me.
I will check out that movie. Looks wise, im not that insecure. Its a much deeper and worse insecurity cause its not about something superficial. I think the surface stuff is what kept ex with me.
Right now Its like im still walking on egg shells. I worry about being too demanding, too needy, unlovable? I was with my ex for over 15 and i am pretty sure he never loved me. It was something i kind of forced on him.
