It's been a little hard for me not to weigh in on your thread because I feel your pain so intensely. But, because we all think we see the clear path for everyone else (even when mired in our own maze as I am), I rather agree with Gerda here (but Gerda, sorry, I think you have put up with way too much for way too long. I've read so many threads where people thought they could nice them back or cake eat them back or scare them back, it doesn't work. If you love something, set it free. Let him see what he is missing). Sorry for the detour.
Gerda is right. He has major issues. But he also has awareness. He seems to know that he has issues. I think you are expecting too much, too soon, and I can't believe that you have not been showing him your disappointment and frustration. I'm sure you both feel overwhelmed.
It is easy for me to say this of course because mine lives far away and I don't want to be married to him anyway. I'm not the one who has to live in a house with someone who doesn't know what he wants, where he is going, and maybe not even where he has been.
I'm not saying I could do this, because I can't and am not in that position, but what if you said to him H I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I think you showed a lot of courage in stepping forward and wanting us to try again. I think I need to redouble my efforts in patience.
What if you agreed to wait for some period (6 months or a year) to discuss the R and the couple stuff, and instead just focused on getting to know each other again, and hopefully getting to like each other again, and hopefully wanting to take that further.
I just feel like you both care about each other but can't communicate and his expectations about his parents and your expectations about his ability to connect or communicate keep getting in the way. How about just having fun and talking about anything else but that.
I don't think you guys should move apart, I think you should find ways to connect as people. Not two people with a past, but just two people who once saw something in each other.
