Organic Blue Sky

[HaWho]

Thanks Job, Gordie and Ownit for the reach outs. Very much appreciated.

Gordie - to answer your questions, I am ok. This process is as much a rollercoaster ride as is MLC. My kids are also seem to yo-yo. S14 has a lot of anger. They both have waaaay too much information and are much too involved by ex. That part is really sad.

Ex continued to pick up kids on my days, messaging through them and just scheduling things on my time. It has been truly obnoxious. Finally had my court date and the judge told him he needs help with boundaries and she told him to stop contacting them on my time to can see him. It was a vindication because for months now I have been following the rules while he acts like a frat boy gone wild doing whatever he wants when he wants.

Then we both agreed not to discuss any of these matters with our kids (which I knew he was incapable of following). And then he went and gave his spin and openly discussed everything with them.

He just has zero respect for rules. He is outwardly rebellious. And because he is so vocal, he has the kids seeing things through his world lens. He has told them that I am keeping them from him when all I am saying is on my time stop contacting them to see them on my time. It's truly insane.

He uses scare tactics and tell the kids it is not safe for them to be home for 1 1/2 hours at my house before I return to work. As he has a flexible schedule he says he should be able to pick them up. Judge said no, there is no safety issue. She said if they were 6 and 8, yes, but at 12 and 14, no, they are fine for that time. (Oh and he left them alone longer than that when he lived here!) Talk about one set of rules for him and a other for me. My L argued if I can't leave them alone for 1 1/2 hours before I return from work, then he can't ever leave them alone either for 1 1/2 hours.

Is he stuck in a time where he thinks they are younger than they are or is this a control issue? He treats them like they are little. He says it's not safe for s14 to walk home a few days for a 1/2 hour walk. S14 was doing this when ex lived here so I have no idea why now it's an issue.

But meanwhile he seems to be playing Disney Dad to them. He wants every thing to be fun and he's quite a buddy to them.

I think there will be a day where it will be as Heather said. He may never admit it but I think he'll have a moment where he'll realize there was nothing in our M that warranted blowing things up like this. Because it makes no sense. Again, I don't think he'll ever admit it though.

Oh and Job, his L is bad. At one point he asked my L what the basics were to our agreed to stipulation that was drafted him and my L! (How would he know if she was telling him everything?!?) And my L was able to get him to agree to something in that stipulation that I am not sure he understood he agreed to! I even said to my L, there was NO way ex would agree to that. I think he wrote it but never cleared it with ex! Because then when we went in front of the judge his L tried to back peddle on that and h was clearly mad that he agreed to that! Gosh, it's worth it to get a good lawyer.

My L was really prepared, over prepared in fact. I had armed her with texts that proved my case. H had nothing. And when my L read the damaging texts, ex's L countered: "well I am not sure we need to go through all these texts."

Seriously?!? Um, it's called "evidence," isn't this required? Duh. Uh, not sure where ex found this guy. Hope he checked he's really a lawyer.

Anyway, I am thankful there is a custody plan in place and that he has some boundaries around him in this arena. Let's see how he does with them.

I think of you all often. And I am proud that I stood. I have no regrets. I know something happened to my ex. I know he needs to go figure himself out and to really do that he needs to go out there try everything.

Thank you all. You know who you are . . .