A familiar story with questions. IV

[SteveLW]

On your last point, you've been with this woman a longtime. So likely you can detect when she might not be being honest. I know that my wife has a way of saying no to something when the answer is really yes that reveals that the no is either soft or flat out not a no.

When I noticed she had lost weight last fall I jokingly said, "Are you going to leave me?" She said "No." with the body language that meant, "I am telling you no to save your feelings." Truth is by that point she was already feeling pangs of wanting to leave the marriage. Of course at the time I ignored it. I got the verbal answer I wanted so I buried the body language in the sand. Looking back I could see that her "I am telling you what you want to hear" body language was there. Even worse, the body language was almost like a "No, I wish I could but I don't see a way to leave."

So when we DB well, those that have been with our spouse for over 15, or 20 years can usually tell if their responses are genuine or not. I know earlier in my sitch she answered a lot of questions with the soft answer body language. My wife is a big of a Nice Girl. She will put others feeling and needs ahead of their own especially if she feels they deserve it. So she wants to answer your question in a way to spare your feelings.

From BD until about mid-Feb, there were times when she remembered she didn't think I deserved my feelings and needs to be above her so she was blunt. But there was a a lot of soft answers as she started noticing my changes.