I made a TON of mistakes in the beginning. What happened was that I finally detached (check out the detaching thread) so much that I knew I deserved to be treated better, and that I was truly ready to walk. That moment for me, compounded with the absolute confirmation of the A, let me know that I was going to be okay regardless of the outcome of our M.
Did we stay together? Yep!
Has it been smooth sailing? No.
It honestly would've been easier for me to have just left in the beginning. You have no idea how much mental strength and faith you need to possess to be there for a cheating spouse grieving the loss of her "relationship."
W relapsed about a month in. Had to deal with that, too. Almost exactly a year later, I discovered a developing EA with another guy living across the country. Initially that was the second shoe, but after going over my info again, I stuck it out. Tons of MC was truly our saving grace.
I wish it ended there. Last year W went in for a Physical, and found out she had contracted HPV. Found out she had lied to me about having an STD check. Initially she lied about condom use, but it came out, finally, just before a really tough MC session. That meant that I had HPV, too.
We have had lots of ups and downs. It has been really hard at times, and I won't tell you that it has been a walk in that park, because that would be a lie.
The truth is that, most times, reconciling is 10x tougher than splitting. This is why you need to take care of you first. That way, you are ready for what lies ahead, no matter which way it swings.
I stayed for my kids at first, but now that we are in a better place, I'm glad I made the decision I did.
