JS, all the crazy stuff your W is doing and saying is pretty much script. Laying there happily accepting a massage and then later trying to use it as ammo against you, that's not at all unusual. She will look for every way possible to make you out to be the bad guy. I would suggest you completely stop ALL physical contact with her. Even if she ASKS for a massage or hug I would respond with "I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable doing that given our current situation." It sounds like you did the right thing in just listening and validating when she kept bringing it up, so well done on that.
I'm sure sometimes you feel like you must be going crazy with all the mixed signals from her, but that is HER being crazy, not you.
The check thing, that's you letting her pull you down to her level. Next time she tries to bait you like that just remember that you are the ONLY person in the M conducting yourself with dignity and respect. Let her be ridiculous, you remain the rock.
