Affair discovered

[rminer]

I might also mention however that she has had her own private checking account she opened a year ago for herself and apparently is only saving that money for her escape. Which I don't understand, because she could have left any time already with the amount of money she spent on clothes and cosmetics and hobbies.

You need to remember that she has the security of your M and the excitement of the A. Right now she has the best of both worlds. She might be saving to leave, but something is still keeping her around.

When you have a chance, read ALL of sandi2's threads on the WW's mindset. Everything she explains in those threads is virtually identical to what my W was doing and the way she was acting. sandi2 was a WW, so she gives some great insight.

Is that manipulative on my part? Or not letting go enough?

I wouldn't say it is necessarily manipulative, but it does show you are obsessing a bit. You will not be able to stop her from meeting up with the OM. Just know that. If she wants to, she will find a way. Do not try to control her actions. If you do, she will rebel even more. Just learn to let go and detach as best you can. I've been trying to detach since Jan, and I haven't gotten there yet. It's hard and takes time. Once you begin the process, it all becomes easier.

Detaching doesn't mean you stop loving her, it just means you emotionally remove yourself from what she is doing and let her make her own mistakes.


You will hear a lot of advice that is counterintuitive here and you will have a hard time grasping it as most of us have. It seems crazy, but it works.


When you have questions, ask. There are no stupid questions here. Before you make a major move, seek advice. There are many experts here that will help. Most of all, do not take offense to what people say to you. 2x4s are common around here and we all need them, so when someone says something that stings a bit, stop and think about it. They are only being blunt to help.