Absolutely agree, I think focussing on the good from the past most certainly does not help to move on. Quite the reverse.
Gordie, obviously if your W is telling the truth now she has been lying for 20 years. I'm sure this is one of the things the DB'ing mantra "believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see" is all about. Nevertheless, it begs the question - who would to want to spend their life with a deceitful, duplicitous and manipulative person?
Apropos of Ciluzen's story, the other question I have is "who had the emotional power in the relationship when things were 'good'?" If it was me, could XH's actions really be a reaction to that? Did I inadvertently abuse the power I thought I had to the point XH couldn't take any more?
If I did, I know where I have to be careful for the next relationship. I will anyway of course - I never want to be hurt like this again. Ever. That, more than anything makes it hard to move on - because moving on may well take me back to this pit, and falling back into the pit after being out of it for a while would have to be, well, the absolute pits!
