The last three days have been very enlightening. With three days of vacation or as I'm calling it a sabbatical/retreat into myself, with no H and S at daycare, I've had lots of time for me. Selfish maybe, but I need that every once in awhile, it makes me a better person and better mom.
In thinking back even further I've put my expectations in other people most of my life and with that came lots of disappointment. I've also blamed myself, been ashamed of some of things I did while in my teen years, THE looking for love in all the wrong places..when it was 50/50 at that time, too, which never occured to me until today.
I spent a lot of my 20's finding myself and not till my early 30's did I finally decide I wanted to get married, up until then I wasn't really interested. I liked my freedom and my independence. My H was my first serious love at the age of 33! I married for the first time at the ripe old age of 37. I had my first child at the age of 41, I'm a late bloomer in lots of areas. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm finally figuring other things out about my life at this time.
If I put my expectations into the Lord, let Him know my hearts desires, if I let Him guide me, I believe he will guide me to happiness and a new R/M with my H. In my heart I know something good is out there waiting for me, either my H will be that "better" once he's completed his crisis and if H isn't that person, than someone else or maybe just life! It will be good no matter what.
Quote: You are shifting your thoughts and obsessing into the lighted path. You go....Give it to Him.
Mooka..I'm working on it, I can feel the shifting inside, it's not a total shift yet, but it's just a matter of time. It is a physical feeling, too, nothing overpowering and I can't really describe it either..kind of like a little jolt of electricity as it would feel through a number of thick towels or maybe more of a sensation, I just can't find the words,but it is a feeling.
