My Scenario Pt.5 - Big D and Detaching the Monster

[joejoe1]

O,

You did great. You stayed on topic, you stood your ground and made your demands. And you ended the convo first. And after she said bye, you kept it moving.

Great job O. I was shaky and jittery during my first DB exchanges as well. You did a whole lot better than I did.

[OrangeK]

Thanks joe. I wasnt expecting to need to communicate with her yet. Looking back on the conversation i can see she was fairly normal until i said one word. "No"

[joejoe1]

O,

Looking back the only thing I would change is that "no". It comes off as mean. Next time you can say something to the affects of, "I prefer to do it this way, or I understand why you would like to do it that way, but it's in both of our best interest to do it this way". This way you are not being cruel or mean. You aren't seeming like you are holding anything against her, but you are still showing you are moving forward lovingly. The better version of you, you become, the bigger fool she becomes. Don't let anger lead your replies. Let love. Next time, before you press send, ask yourself does this sound mean, or does this sound like I'm moving forward and not holding anything against my WW. It sounds crazy I know, to love a person as they leave, but there is no higher form of love than letting something you love go free. It takes a lot of strength to let go of something or someone you loved while growing at the same time.

Letting go in the fashion that LBS has to, only comes from a place of strength and never weakness.

Keep up the great work O.

[OrangeK]

I promise you that she would be worse if you had another woman. And trust me, she is keeping tabs on you. She has her ways. Her EX must have gotten very wise to her and figured good riddance.

Sandi,

In what ways do you think she is keeping tabs? What makes you so sure she is? She very much seems to want nothing at all to do with me. Which is fine.

We are blocked from each other on social media, and i cant imagine where she would get word of mouth news, as we have been socially separated quite well. Back in Jan she was still definitely keeping tabs on me, asking me who i was spending time with, if i was dating girl X or Y, i would see her name pop up as viewing my IG account. This all stopped abruptly when the TRO hit.
I honestly hope she isn't keeping tabs, I want her to leave me alone, but you seem to feel this is a common trait, especially considering her "possessiveness". Her and the EX didnt talk for a while, then she crept in asking friendly temp check stuff (i learned this from talking to him afterwards), i dont think she ever felt she had an opportunity to take advantage of anything during those temp checks, he was living on the other side of the country, still does, so it wouldn't have borne fruit at all no matter what, he just wasn't local. She had asked him to coffee when he was back here visiting family, and he said no.
They were on friendly terms, and i know she reached out to him the Christmas after WW and I were married, it was a "Oh me and Orange have been watching this TV show, i remember we used to watch that together a lot" EX's current wife told me


Id love your input on my first conversation with her in three months i posted yesterday too, if you get some time.

[SteveLW]

OK, there are always ways. She could have someone else look up your FB page. Or she could talk to someone that knows someone you know. I am with sandi, she is probably paying attention a lot more than you think she is. Not necessarily to reconcile, but to see what she might be able to use to her advantage.

[OrangeK]

I haven't been posting anything besides occasional pics of my son from days i have him and we go play.

Other than that i haven't been using social media, as far as asking people who know me, i cant think of anyone off hand who would tell her anything. What she did to me is fairly common knowledge and A LOT of people that once like her think she is a POS now.

But i don't think you're wrong. i'm sure she has a way, even if its infrequent or not a great source of info for her.

[OrangeK]

Im still a bit shocked from yesterday. I really expected that to be a lot more painful for me, in fact it was liberating, healing even.

I still have a lot of questions dancing around my head like "What changed in her view of me to make her hate me after marrying me 4 months prior"
but then i recall she likely cheated on me 3 weeks after the wedding.
Shes just a POS. plain and simple.
It makes trying to "rationalize" her behavior a hell of a lot easier. She just [censored], is a selfish and immature person and simply tricked me into believing otherwise.

That is why she "hates" me
because i cant be played anymore.
Because i saw through her BS and actually stood up for myself, little did i know it at the time.
Me asking "Whats wrong hunny, you seem bummed" often enough was enough for her to realize she was letting the mask slip in front of me too often, and i needed to go.
She knew it would only get more obvious, and I would leave HER on MY terms, and she couldn't handle that. So she went in for the preemptive nuclear strike rather than being abandoned. I saw what that did to her when her EX did it. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

Enjoy breathing the fallout Hunny.

When she sees you, after whatever time she's in her own world, she will actually see you and realize that she could've been part of your journey and that you could've also lifted her up. She gave up that opportunity.

That's what I truly believe - this was a momentous time to not just rebuild the MR, but be with someone who was lifting themselves and help you do the same and vice versa. They gave that opportunity up because the end result would've been two amazing individuals bonded together even more closely and an even stronger family.

Now she will have to see another woman get that with a stronger, better you. She's not ready for that, and it's her major loss.

This is my new philosophy. Thank you Makia.

[OrangeK]

FYI that Makia Quote is off of Joseph9's thread.

[NicoleR]

OrangeK, interesting revelation as to why she hates you! I'm sure she doesn't hate you though. It was just an act. I wonder why she married you at all? And did she want a child or was it an accident?

[OrangeK]

We had our child 1 year and a half before getting married. I honestly think the only reason she went through with the wedding was because she had already said "yes" and it was expected of her. Plus all the attention from Engagement photos, wedding planning, wedding day,m wedding photos, honeymoon photos, etc. Shes an attention seeker to the max.

this is one thing that still baffles me: She still isn't using social media, which has always been a primary source of attention for her.
Unless she made new profiles, i haven't searched, dont much care, but i dont see her discarding all her hard work cultivating her social media over the last few years, not as easily as she discarded me anyway lol. Whats also odd is her existing social media is still full of our wedding photos and all the lovey dovey photos from the past 5 years. I purged mine of anything containing her months ago.

I wouldn't say she hates me per-say i guess, she seems very bitter because things didn't go exactly as she wanted them to.

She expects to have her a$$ kissed 24/7. Its unrealistic, and she does nothing to deserve it either. Shes lazy and selfish, but good ant convincing people otherwise and having them serve her needs. Men anyway, shes attractive so this comes easy to her. Women see through her BS fairly quickly it seems.