I started reading up on your first posts- I just found out there are alot of similarities between us. Around the same age bracket, Married for a good chunk, one child ,Christian background. With my relationship and I think yours there are intimacy issues. I see that you are giving W 1 year. Are you the WAS or is this part of piecing? And how did it get to this point? Thanks for all your insightful information.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Lone, thanks I agree. I think I posted in your thread at one point the similarities.
I am not the WAS, I am LBS. She, when I caught her EA, said she didn't want to be married anymore. I went into pursuit mode until I found experts (not just MWD) that suggested pursuit and pressure were the exact wrong things. I started to let go, detach, differentiate. She showed signs of waffling on her decision to get a job, get an apartment and divorce. My wife is like electricity, she will always take the path of least resistance. Once I alleviated the resistance for staying in the MR, she started to see how much work her plan would entail.
The 1 year thing came from another anti-divorce author. I can't say the name or the book but she is an expert in women's infidelity. I paid for a 1 hour consultation with her and she suggested I put a time-limit on it. She is kind of a DB-lite proponent, but is really good and suggested my wife would keep me in limbo as long as I let her stay there. Thus a 1 year limit. And not to communicate that limit, but if in a year she wasn't 100% committed to the MR then to go file. It is the tough love similar to what sandi preaches.
Anyway, that is the cliff notes version of my sitch.
If you read my most recent update, as long as I keep the pressure and pursuit down, she shows signs of returning to the MR, even telling our MC that she is no longer considering leaving. If I pursue or pressure her she will start talking about it as a possibility again.
In MC we are both doing the work. She's been pretty consistent in her work toward R since mid-Feb. Mid-Feb was her last bit of rebellion against the MR. She's also willing to give up things that I feel are hurting the MR. So that is a good sign as well.
Hang in there buddy, it will start getting better soon. I couldn't sleep well for 6 weeks. I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I now sleep really well and I actually recently had to lose a few lbs!
Remember, no matter what Christ loves you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
