Affair discovered

[STH17]

I picked up the DR book on Monday but haven't read much yet. Having just discovered the affair has put me in survival mode. I've been browsing the forums here for two or three months, and had even been trying to reduce my time doing that because I thought it was distracting me from taking the actions I needed to be taking. Actually having joined could be good for me though I think. This week I'm trying to take care of myself. I am noticing myself being triggered throughout the day about my wife's affair, and I want to not think about it so much but it is consuming me. I felt better yesterday while writing the post that disappeared, but it took a couple hours out of my morning when I should have been working at my job. I work TWTH mornings at a job I've been at for 7 years, and the rest of the week's work hours I am supposed to be working on my master's thesis project. Making progress on that project has been difficult since my life has been in upheaval throughout grad school and now is crumbling even faster.

I read the first chapter of DB online but don't need to be told any more reasons to try to save my marriage, which is what that chapter seems to be mostly about. I know my marriage has had problems from the start, and it's taken me a year just to start believing that just because there were always problems doesn't mean our marriage can't be better. My wife has been hurting for a long time in our relationship and doesn't see that possibility, probably just thinks I am hanging on and not letting her go. I am hanging on for dear life, but I know I cannot stop her from leaving. I often wonder why she hasn't just done it already, but with the affair I see she pretty much has. And now I'm thinking about the A again, which I'd rather not. I'm going to log off and get back to my job.