You're not missing anything. Most people who come here desperately want to reconcile and they don't realize their own desperation is one of their biggest obstacles. That's why I'm a big proponent of ditching the offending spouse, building a great life for yourself, and then see what happens. My guess is that most people would decide they don't need a cheater in their life.
I'm not trying to be an @sshole, and I'm not anti-marriage, but I think few people are really willing to face the reality of their situation. In my opinion, waking up puts you in the driver's seat. After all, it's your life.
