[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[44tries]

I have no idea what you are talking about. ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Can you elaborate, please? (Bet you don't get asked to do that many times).

I will try to explain..without being too long-winded

When I first discovered DB, I thought I had a WAW bc I didn't know of the A. When I confirmed the A, everyone here told me it doesn't change the DB approach I had been following. I agree, because DB is all about things you CAN control (yourself) and affairs are not under that umbrella. For this reason, I tried not to get hung up on it, used it as intel for my own protection, and marched on.

The problem is that there is starting to be a huge gap in mind about how I would be proceeding if my W was WAW vs. WW (and she is CLEARLY WW, I am way past debating that, don't worry). Your last post really reinforced how much I should be assuming my W has nefarious intentions. If I had a hypothetical WAW who wanted to join one of my GAL activities, I might think "O she is interested in my new life and even cautiously wondering if she wants to be a part of it; the DB might be working". Instead, I have a WW who is apparently just trying to keep me in her clutches so she can control me and I cannot truly escape the hurt and pain she has caused me.

I feel I am losing sight of what I'm working toward. What are the goals and checkpoints I am trying to reach? The positive signs MWD says to look for in DR seem like they don't apply; I can't trust them and they're not what they look like (see the GAL example above). She emphasizes the importance of recognizing baby steps--they are the compass that shows you are going in the right direction and keeps you motivated. I need a new compass. A lot of the original goals I had written down seem stupid or impossible now bc my W is WW. My only goal now (aside from GAL) is to change the dynamics and regain my control, but to what end? And what are the signs of progress? When do I stop assuming the worst? You say things will change and she will respect me. Just magically, she will no longer be a selfish person who doesn't care about me? It seems that waywardness is not a spell that can just be broken, it is more like a serious disease. Thus, the DB approach cannot be the same. You can't just ignore the A/waywardness. What am I missing?