I think maybe your H and my H thought that OW would "fill them up" make them happy. And I really think the two of them are empty again. Your H is looking back at OW thinking she will do it...
You and I both know that they need to find themselves, and find that God shaped peg to fill that empty hole they have. Nothing else will fill them up.
KK said that we are doing so much reading, discussing, analyzing and growing... we have reached out to find many resources. Our Hs aren't. So, even though it has taken us this long to get HERE, it will take them even longer.
Step back, girlfriend. You have the Lord as your coach, listen to him and only him. Leave the battle plan to him.
Take care of yourself.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Get to that place again, Cathy, where Hs actions didn't matter, where it didn't matter how long this took, where you knew you could do it... you've been there before, take yourself back there.
Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind. Your H has done this, Cathy, and right now you are in the middle of his whirlwind, not knowing which way to turn. Look up, girlfriend, the sky is clear overhead. Get out of his whirlwind... get back to God.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Laurie, I've been looking at your post all morning and will continue to throughout the day I'm sure. It just never occured to me, your insights into H's mind are amazing. I know that I would NEVER have come to this conclusion.
This must be what H meant when he said "don't you think I care about our S at all?" as the tears were filling his eyes.
It's all soooo sad, that something like this has to happen. That a person can go to such lengths, extremes to get something they want, they think they need no matter what the cost.
Maybe I'm just niave in thinking she would resort to drive bys! To "watching" us. Stalking my H, leaving messages--a fatal attraction of sorts. This is not a world I want to be a part of...nor do I want that for my S. That she would possibly sink lower than she has already is scary to me...for my S. Maybe I'm being too paranoid or making this bigger than it is, should be.
My H also shared with me that her deceased H never wanted to do anything, except sit at home and drink beer and smoke pot. H likes to do things and she liked this about my H.
Quote: I know that sounds funny, but that is why it is so important for you to continue to validate and be there for him. She will eventually turn him against her because of this. Remember how it turned him off to you when you were acting this way, well she is going a step further and that is not cool.
I was thinking about this yesterday, too, when I acted like that it turned him against me, made him angry. But, then I was to blame for all his unhappiness. H did this to OW, he gave her expectations because H wasn't happy, shared his feeings with her and of course she took those feelings, H's unhappiness and tried to fix his feelings, tried to make H happy, by buying him and being everything to him at the sacrifice of herself.. She made those expcatations her world and is hanging on to them with all her self anyway she can. H suggested at one point, "that maybe I should go talk to OW!" since noone else was getting through to her. OW needs helps desparately and I hope she finds it.
Thank you Holdingon, Deb, Pattie and Freckles!! I'm waffling, struggling today, not sure what I want at this point. I'm not ready to give up yet, I don't think I am, can. This is going to sound, how do I say it, wacky or spiritual...but I spoke with G last night and he asked me to give my H to him and I think I argued a little bit saying I don't know if I can, I need to hang on maybe...don't I. It was a back and forth and I think G will get H, I think I'm ready to give H to G and let go.
I just got a call from little guy asking when I eat lunch because him and daddy were wondering if I'd like to have lunch with them so I'm off to meet them for lunch!!
I thought about you all weekend. I am sorry that H is being a big-time alien right now. You handled yourself very well my friend. You cannot make his decissions for him, you cannot give him an "out"; it needs to be all him.
I'm curious: You say you are ready to move on: what would you do differently if you were moving on?
You're right: I think our H's ARE lost brothers. My H also told me (last time in Dec) that we should have a sibling for dd. Yeah right!!!
NO, it doesn't sound wacky, and that's exactly what you have to do... everything you are doing is going no where as far as fixing H, just give him to God and LET GO. Is it easy, no, do you have to work at it daily, YES... but do it, Cathy. Stop worrying about him, stop trying to fix him and the sith, stop trying to control him. Let it go.
Funny how H called to do lunch... let go, Cathy, without expectation, live in the here and now...and see what the Lord can do.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
H didn't call, H put S on the phone and fed him the words to say..S was soo cute, too.
They were putting a tower crane up at a jobsite behind the mall where I was waiting for H and S. I met my H while he was working in a tower crane
S was full of smiles, hugs, I love you ma-ma's. I am going to nuture, feed that good nature, the soul of my S. That natural happiness, the unconditional love my S shows to so many. I want happines for my S, I want S to carry his goodness, his love of life through is childhood into his adult life.
We had a great lunch, S came up to my office, H declined.
It's a sunshiny day!!
I AM/CAN do this everybody!!! How many times did Jesus fall with the cross? and he did die on the cross which G reminded me of last night.
I just got a call from little guy asking when I eat lunch because him and daddy were wondering if I'd like to have lunch with them 