I wish I had the wisdom to post on other people's threads. I feel I am still so new to this, I don't think I can yet give good advice.
I traveled out of town for 4 days with my best friend. For the most part, we had a good time, and talked a lot. What I did not expect was periodic moments of extreme sadness... about my current situation, traveling without any of my family, seeing happy couples, etc. It was hard at times.
Upon returning, my H and I ended up in a R talk. It was coming, despite my not wanting it to. I did shed a few tears. I'm still torn with that part of DB'ing. I have always been the stoic and strong one in our R, so this is a bit of a 180. I did not beg or plead though. He still thinks separation might be in our future, but has no plans to leave the house. I pointed out the devastation separation would bring to the family, and even to us financially. I shared the reality that everything gets split up... including retirement funds and pensions. This I could tell he had not even considered. Remember he fantasies about the house with a lot of land.
I think having him around is the hardest part. At the same time, financially it makes sense. As I mentioned before we have 2 kids nearing college age, one leaves this summer. Yikes!!
Trying to detach, still. I hate the mixed messages from him at times.
I love all of your feedback. I go again to my counselor next week and continue to investigate all of the legalities on my own. I have spoken with a mediator and a divorce financial planner. I have not yet secured a lawyer, but am feeling somewhat empowered with the knowledge I have gained.
It's so hard to not long for my life from years ago.
