25yrsMLC 10yrsLater I FILE/Div X marries OW #10

[25yearsmlc]

starting a new thread I think... I just took the last post from #9 and am re-posting it here



So X married OW as of the past 2 days. In Hawaii and with one of our former friends, there.

I had dinner last night with x's bff and his wife, and we shared a lot of laughs and good talks. Knew them our whole marriage and whole dating life. Both married the same year. Both had 3 kids, were in school and the military together...

I got the elephant in the room as I had learned of the marriage an hour before the dinner!
(Geez...)

So I told them "hey, I was wronged and betrayed. Our kids were treated terribly. That is just true.
But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life reviewing my list of grievances. I am to blame for the rest of my life."

Most of the time, I believe ^^^^this. But I have my moments of fury about finances and loss. So we talked about old times and my future plans as they have retired (like X and I COULD HAVE idiot...) and they want to visit me wherever I go. AND I believe them.

Yes it still hurts but not as much as I thought it would.

I suppose there will be times when it gut punches me?? Maybe I'm just numb.

But I actually think x is nutty.

Our kids were not invited and he posted his new profile on FB and THAT is how they learned...lovely. That's not normal, folks.

I mean it when I say, I think x has something wrong with him.

Like he has a real personality disorder. And I don't say this merely b/c he remarried - but because of the total discard of our family and marital history. The obnoxious behavior in the divorce - he STILL tells his bff that he was "volunteering"! His name was on the building!

I wish I had read about Personality Disorders a LONG time ago.

I would have cut him loose so much sooner.


Maybe his new wife can fix him. Maybe NOW he can finally be happy.

His dad is on his 4th marriage and considers himself a good father...and I imagine a good h. There are disturbing similarities and when x's bff pointed that out, x totally missed the reference.

But the way x's family - once MY family, have all treated our kids, the ONLY grandchildren, is abysmal. I cannot change that.

So, back to me.

It's over. It's done. And in a very real way, even though there is pain, I feel freer.

Like there is literally nothing attached to my marriage or x anymore, to confuse or hold me back. I have no choice but to make the best of the time I have left.

The m ended and it's not recoverable and there is no "grand lesson" on x's end, coming.

It is over.

Coincidentally and thankfully, I'm flying out to CA to see my older 2 kids for Mother's Day and am excited. Boy, what perfect timing.

They may be more upset than I am. Seriously, I think b/c I can replace a husband - NOT that I want to, but I can remarry.

They are stuck with this man as their only dad. How appallingly painful for them. And they ARE hurt, no matter what x tells himself or whom he blames (me, probably)


X has done a lot of destruction he will never, ever face. And that is how it is.

Can't let him have any more of our energy. It's cut losses time.

As my late French mother would say, sadly "C'est Fini".


(She'd also dramatically swat the air in reference to OW, and say "She can HAVE HIM!")



Working on channeling my mom more. cool