Can I really do this #2

[Dtrmned]

Best I can say about yesterday is that I didn't take the bait, did stand up for myself and was slightly humored at my W's roller coaster.

Came home and went upstairs to change for my run. I looked good (wore one of my new suits that actually fit). Got 5 compliments that day on how good I looked as well. My D even commented and I used the word "snazzy". So W must have noticed as that was what I was wearing when she got in the room. I simply asked how her day was and how her health was that day. She paused, looked at me, and said "why are you so concerned about my health?" " are you keeping a diary of my good/bad days?" This kind of came out of no where as she has had chronic issues for almost a decade and I usually ask how her day was health wise so I can just genuinely see how she is. I told her I was not keeping track of anything. She said that she felt I was going to use this in trying to get custody of our kids. I stated that through our discussions that we had already decided we were going to do 50/50 custody and as far as I was concerned, other than asking how her health was to see how she is, I had no ulterior motive, nor do I have a desire to keep the children away from their mother any more than we agreed. She then went on to comment on the Friday incident, which in her mind is totally being rewritten day by day and is now a full fledged issue of boundary violations and me attempting to take advantage of her by putting her in that situation. She said "after our talk on Saturday, you didn't even say you were sorry". I stated that I apologized if she felt uncomfortable, that she froze and that it all happened. I will not apologize or say that I am sorry for truly trying to help her feel better by giving her a massage. I also stated that she was an adult, a willing participant, that I spoke when I did anything, and she was capable of stopping it at any time if she felt uncomfortable. From my perspective, she was not. Afterwards she said she hadn't been that relaxed and relieved of pain in a long time. She slept very well that night, in the same bed as myself, and as usual in her underwear. If you were uncomfortable, felt violated, disrespected, whatever word you want to choose, WHY would you continue to do that? She kept trying to escalate the discussion and I ended it. Said we could talk later, but right now I'd like to go for a run.

A few hours later, down on the couch, she starts in again. This time about how I never said I was sorry again. Again, I told her I apologized that she felt the way she did. I couldn't apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong, communicating with her along the way, helping her feel better by relieving her pain and relaxing, and helping us connect just a little. Here is where I think the real issue is. That we connected. She is HATING this and is doing all she can do deny and discredit what happened. It was innocent enough, no romance, no sensuality, nothing like that at all, but it was 2 people physically connecting and relaxing. The only was she can deny this is to make it out to be a bad situation and I am the bad guy that took advantage of her. She is a grown woman! I did ask her why she didn't stop it if she was uncomfortable. She said "I should have". I said what would you have done if I would have "made a move" or done something inappropriate? Her answer "I would have kicked your A$$"." Ok, so nothing inappropriate happened, I did not act out of line, I helped you relax, and you were a willing participant and even commented on how well it felt afterwards. Now still 3 days later you are revising your story each day making it worse?

To me, again, attempting to rewrite recent history to her benefit.

She went on to discuss how I haven't done anything to move the D forward. I countered with "I sent you the mediation documents that you asked for and haven't heard a thing from you" She said, we should do it together. Why? I agree we need to work together to get this done (if that is the way it is going to go) but you can put notes together and we can communicate throughout.

She stated that she has this big feeling in the pit of her stomach that she is just going to get screwed all the way around on this. Didn't say this to her, but thought" No [censored]. This is not going to be fun. You haven't worked in 15 years, think its going to be a breeze to just pop out there and add in a full time job while taking care of 2 kids (half the time) , your health issues and a home. You haven't paid bills in 20 years or managed money EVER. You haven't had a utility bill in your name in 20 years. This is going to be way more difficult than you think.) For myself, I am not delusional. This is going to totally suck! But I am fairly prepared and working everyday to improve and do better for myself and my children.

Funny thing. I had a couple of medical tests done myself. She asked how they were. I told her everything was fine and not to worry about it. This was during the same conversation about me "prying" into her medical issues and seeing how she was. She said that she would like to be informed. I simply stated that she had just requested that I not pry, why not extend the same courtesy? My issues are my issues. Her response was, if you have cancer or something serious, I would like to know. I stated that it wouldn't matter, that the situation is still the way it is. She then said "I would change and wouldn't leave if it was something like that. I would not strand you after all you have stood by me through all of my issues". VERY strange to me.

Thoughts, feedback...