My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance

[SteveLW]

"Or is she testing me to see if I'll complain and make a stink over it? I certainly would have 6 months ago."

This. When you 180 and start making positive changes, your wife won't trust them. She will test it to see. My wife has, in my opinion, done various things purposely to see if I would get hyper-critical and verbally degrading again.

Consistency is the key. For me it was either complain or do them myself. I haven't always done the latter, but I've been consistent in NOT doing the former. I was the same way. I'd point out everything that hadn't been getting done around the house. The few weeks before BD she had just shutdown and no longer cared when I was being passive-aggressive about it (loudly doing what needed to be done even complaining as I did it ("I'm the only one that sweeps this floor!" "Apparently no one else cares if every last dish is dirty and sitting in the sink!").

Others will tell you no, you shouldn't do it. My opinion is that if I want something done I should do it myself. This doesn't mean everything though. For instance, I don't touch her office which is a disaster, etc. But yeah, I'll do the dishes no matter who was responsible for leaving them there.