I think the introspection thing is quite probably the key too.
I've just read an article in Psychology Today, by a woman called Pamela Haag around the concept of "same bed, different dream" and how a seemingly happy marriage can have two people with vastly differing perspectives. In this woman's opnion, when one of the couple decides their wants/desires are incompatible with the marriage, it's time to split.
I found myself feeling extremely negative towards this so-called popular psychologist. Unfortunately, she painted my sitch with almost perfect strokes - then threw in a glib "there's nothing to forgive, for there was nothing to be done, worked on" etc etc. Basically, she figures my marriage was always going to have a use-by date because, unbeknown to me, it turned out XH's dreams were so different to mine.
I can honestly say I did my due diligence well before I got married, just to make sure he and I were on the same page. There was no issue I could see being a problem. During the marriage I asked many times whether our dreams could be compatible, and whenever I did that I got an affirmative answer. Quite clearly he didn't know what his dreams were, or they changed - and just as clearly he thought whatever mine were, they were not compatible with his.
I strongly disagree with Haag's opinion that there are no conversations to be had around differing dreams. I also believe that dreams are as dreams do - that there needs to be some kind of dream evaluation technique that can be used to classify them for achievability. It might stop people throwing their lives away on a dream that is so unrealistic or crazy it's not worth following.
Anyway, I can see there are glib, well-respected folk around who fuel selfish people's notion that they should do whatever feels good, whenever they like, regardless of who they hurt. That you can sign up in good conscience to a lifetime deal, then bail out without consequences whenever you decide your dreams are incompatible.
I'd bet money on the notion that XH signed up for this woman's newsletters!
