I have been impressed to share this with you. I pray that it gives you what you need at this time.
I know this is a very upsetting thing that has happened and I do know what you are going through more then I even realized myself. This had to come to a head and come out. It had to be put out on the table.
Your husband says he does not have feelings for you and the feelings that he is talking about are the ones that you feel. Not the ones that are real. Not the ones that the Lord gives you.
The Lord has been preparing you for this for months now with what he has been teaching you. You have to put your trust completely in the Lord and DO NOT look at the circumstances and DO NOT give into what Satan is trying to make you give into.
Your husband has been sitting on the fence for months. Playing the two of you. His heart is torn in two directions because of his choice to defile his vows. This is a part of the consequences that he is going through. He thinks that his choice to go and move in with the OW is going to make things easier on him, but it is not. Satan has been tempting him with her. You need to pray for the hedge of protection, wall of fire and the full armour of God to be placed around you, your sons, your husband and even the OW.
Satan is working hard to destroy your family and destroy the OW. Your husband is very unsure of the choice that he is making and it shows. He sees you as being strong and sees her as very weak. He just has not figured that out yet. Do not change the fact that you are allowing him to make this choice on his own and do not think that you have to be weak in order to get him back. Her weakness is eventually going to drive him away because she is going to zap him of every bit of strength that he has.
What person in their right mind really wants someone that can not stand on their own two feet if they are not around? The only type of person that wants that is the type of person that is too weak to realize that they don't need people needing them in order to be important. Does that make sense? Right now your husband is not himself and he is having a hard time with things.
He didn't just come home for your son, he came home for the right reasons, but Satan has been battling him since the day he came home by using the OW.
You were not a fool and you did nothing wrong by trying to make things work, but your husband was not ready at that time. What happened had to happen in order to force your husband to move forward. I know that you see it as destroying everything, but it is not what you think it is and it is not what you see it as being.
Please do not fret and worry about it. Put it in the Lord's hands and trust what he is doing. Everything happens for a reason and this is one of the first times that I have seen you write something where your husband was actually being honest with himself and with you. This is the first time that I have read that your husband made an effort to face himself.
The Lord is working and his plans will not fail. Do not give up on the Lord. There is going to be alot that is going to happen and you are going to need to totally lean on the Lord and you are going to need to close your eyes to the circumstances that will be around you and focus totally and completely on what the Lord has told you and promised you.
Satan is filling your head with lies. Satan is trying to get you to be down on yourself. Your husband is so confused. His words do not match his actions. If he goes back with the OW, it is completely and totally out of guilt and nothing more. He has no ties to her whatsoever.
Trust what the Lord is doing and stand your ground. Do not make the decision for him and do not throw him out.
You are right, God does hate divorce and the only reason he allowed a decree for divorce was because of the hardening of the heart. Sometimes doing what is right hurts and you feel that doing what you feel would be easier because you are tired of the pain. Just be very careful about any decision that you make when you are where you are at. Because in time, what you are feeling right now is going to pass and when it does, you don't want to be having regrets for what you did because of feelings that change.
Do not worry about what this world thinks about what you are doing or not doing. The only thing that should matter to you is what the Lord thinks about what you are doing. If you are being obedient to what the Lord has told you to do, then who cares what the world thinks or doesn't think.
This is not your burden nor your guilt to carry, this is your husband's. Satan is lying to you by making you think that it is a reflection on you what your husband is doing and it is not. It is a reflection of who your husband is choosing to follow at this time and it is not the Lord.
You have much more strength then even you realize that you have because your strength comes from the Lord. I will continue to have you in my prayers because I know the difficult time that you are going through right now. I know the pain that you are feeling and what it does to you on the inside. The only thing that helped me through this, was prayer and getting into the word. Asking the Lord as many questions as I possibly could and yes, sometimes simply just totally breaking down with just me and the Lord. Doing exactly what Joseph did and asking the Lord where are you? I got my answer and my life has never been the same since. That was only a month ago and since getting to that point, my life has done a totally turn around. He has shown me so many things and continues to show me.
