Part of me feels like such a fool, a fool to have any hope of this working at all. H wants to move on, get a D, yet acts like he's not moving on. I don't get it, my head is spinning tonight. As it should be in MLC. Seem like at the BB a lot of M's are going down the drain and/or have wacky OW's in them. Desparate not wanting to live with a man woman.
A fool to the world. I know God accepts its and understands it, but I'm being laughed at behind my back by the rest of the world.
If he moves out again in with OW. I CANNOT accept it, I will not accept that again. I just can't for my own sanity.
He bought the boat and now he doesn't even want that. He wants a more expensive bass boat that he was going to buy next year anyway. He asked me why I let him buy it? If I'd have said no he wouldn't have bought it. He was like a madman looking for a boat and once he bought it he didn't want it and then of course, is blaming me...duhh light bulb.
We just refinanced the house and put a bunch of his credit cards on the new loan and now he wants to waltz out the door! There was money left over since we paid off our line of credit and he asked for that money also. I assume he used the tax money to buy his safe and he said well "I guess I didn't do I" so he used $2500 for who knows what and than wants to pay off his credit cards on top of that and then wanted more money. I'm better off with his debt.
Another thing I want out of a relationship is financial security and with my H I don't know that we can ever have that together. H cannot control his spending.
I told H he was mean to me, that's he mean to me only. I'm sure OW can do no wrong, but I'm the whipping post. I don't deserve to be treated so badly or to let him be so mean and treat me the way he treats.
So I need to decide if I want this M. If I can do this anymore. My H broke our vows and I think that makes me free to move on. I know that God hates divorce, but I don't think he says anything about not divorcing?
Oh and then he says at one point this afternoon. We should have had a brother or sister for our S?! And I'm thinking whattttt and then I would have two kids that you would have walked out on...
Everyone here thinks I'm so strong, have everything together well maybe I'm fooling everyone including myself.
I am so sorry to hear about what is happening. I'll say an extra prayer for you, your S and your H tonight. Maybe we can chat a bit tomorrow. I'll try to check in with you in the afternoon....
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Cathy, The last thing for you to worry about is what the world thinks of you. The important thing is that you take care of you, do what you need to do and not worry about what anyone thinks of you. That is not important. Hold your head up high, Cathy, you are a wonderful person and you are not responsible for your H. Let him be.
Hang in there... maybe he will move out and give you some peace!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I have been impressed to share this with you. I pray that it gives you what you need at this time.
I know this is a very upsetting thing that has happened and I do know what you are going through more then I even realized myself. This had to come to a head and come out. It had to be put out on the table.
Your husband says he does not have feelings for you and the feelings that he is talking about are the ones that you feel. Not the ones that are real. Not the ones that the Lord gives you.
The Lord has been preparing you for this for months now with what he has been teaching you. You have to put your trust completely in the Lord and DO NOT look at the circumstances and DO NOT give into what Satan is trying to make you give into.
Your husband has been sitting on the fence for months. Playing the two of you. His heart is torn in two directions because of his choice to defile his vows. This is a part of the consequences that he is going through. He thinks that his choice to go and move in with the OW is going to make things easier on him, but it is not. Satan has been tempting him with her. You need to pray for the hedge of protection, wall of fire and the full armour of God to be placed around you, your sons, your husband and even the OW.
Satan is working hard to destroy your family and destroy the OW. Your husband is very unsure of the choice that he is making and it shows. He sees you as being strong and sees her as very weak. He just has not figured that out yet. Do not change the fact that you are allowing him to make this choice on his own and do not think that you have to be weak in order to get him back. Her weakness is eventually going to drive him away because she is going to zap him of every bit of strength that he has.
What person in their right mind really wants someone that can not stand on their own two feet if they are not around? The only type of person that wants that is the type of person that is too weak to realize that they don't need people needing them in order to be important. Does that make sense? Right now your husband is not himself and he is having a hard time with things.
He didn't just come home for your son, he came home for the right reasons, but Satan has been battling him since the day he came home by using the OW.
You were not a fool and you did nothing wrong by trying to make things work, but your husband was not ready at that time. What happened had to happen in order to force your husband to move forward. I know that you see it as destroying everything, but it is not what you think it is and it is not what you see it as being.
Please do not fret and worry about it. Put it in the Lord's hands and trust what he is doing. Everything happens for a reason and this is one of the first times that I have seen you write something where your husband was actually being honest with himself and with you. This is the first time that I have read that your husband made an effort to face himself.
The Lord is working and his plans will not fail. Do not give up on the Lord. There is going to be alot that is going to happen and you are going to need to totally lean on the Lord and you are going to need to close your eyes to the circumstances that will be around you and focus totally and completely on what the Lord has told you and promised you.
Satan is filling your head with lies. Satan is trying to get you to be down on yourself. Your husband is so confused. His words do not match his actions. If he goes back with the OW, it is completely and totally out of guilt and nothing more. He has no ties to her whatsoever.
Trust what the Lord is doing and stand your ground. Do not make the decision for him and do not throw him out.
You are right, God does hate divorce and the only reason he allowed a decree for divorce was because of the hardening of the heart. Sometimes doing what is right hurts and you feel that doing what you feel would be easier because you are tired of the pain. Just be very careful about any decision that you make when you are where you are at. Because in time, what you are feeling right now is going to pass and when it does, you don't want to be having regrets for what you did because of feelings that change.
Do not worry about what this world thinks about what you are doing or not doing. The only thing that should matter to you is what the Lord thinks about what you are doing. If you are being obedient to what the Lord has told you to do, then who cares what the world thinks or doesn't think.
This is not your burden nor your guilt to carry, this is your husband's. Satan is lying to you by making you think that it is a reflection on you what your husband is doing and it is not. It is a reflection of who your husband is choosing to follow at this time and it is not the Lord.
You have much more strength then even you realize that you have because your strength comes from the Lord. I will continue to have you in my prayers because I know the difficult time that you are going through right now. I know the pain that you are feeling and what it does to you on the inside. The only thing that helped me through this, was prayer and getting into the word. Asking the Lord as many questions as I possibly could and yes, sometimes simply just totally breaking down with just me and the Lord. Doing exactly what Joseph did and asking the Lord where are you? I got my answer and my life has never been the same since. That was only a month ago and since getting to that point, my life has done a totally turn around. He has shown me so many things and continues to show me.
This is really powerful stuff that Vinland has so beautifully laid out for you. God is using her as a tool to get through to you. Read, and re-read....she has said so much in the name of the Lord. Take it all in, feel His strength...you can do this.
You and your family are truly in my prayers tonight as well.
Well H came home last night about 8ish, was close to me and I could smell alcohol, so he stopped to have drinks somewhere after the post office. He moved back to the lower bedroom last night.
H isn't working today..problems on his job...so he's with our S today, gave me a tip on traffic.
I had a hard time getting to sleep, not quite sure why, still working on letting go COMPLETELY. It'll come in time, it has to, God is in charge, not me. There is nothing I can do. My nature is to worry, that WORRY controls my life. That I can control my life by worrying..does that makes sense? I can think of other instances not pertaining to my H that I've done this too...obsession and worry about something that I have no control over. I'm going through this to come out on the other side and once I work through this I will then be free. To let go and let God.
Quote: His words do not match his actions.
Which makes my head spin..one minute he's making arrangements to have the lawn sprayed and the next he's telling me he's moving out.
Quote: Trust what the Lord is doing and stand your ground. Do not make the decision for him and do not throw him out.
So it's like Snodderly said he's going to be ever worse again, trying to decide. I will not throw him out, even thought it's going to be very hard. Yesterday I had just had it with his threats and called him on it.
H told me he didn't love me, that I deserved better and I agreed "yes I do deserve better" that I won't settle for not having my needs met. H just can't meet those needs, it's too late....whatever.
Quote: The Lord is working and his plans will not fail. Do not give up on the Lord. There is going to be alot that is going to happen and you are going to need to totally lean on the Lord and you are going to need to close your eyes to the circumstances that will be around you and focus totally and completely on what the Lord has told you and promised you.
Circumstances...that's exactly what they are aren't they? I can't get caught up in the drama, the circumstances will be temporary, will always be changing won't they, but God will remain there, the same. I can compare it to why I exercise, it's always there for me no matter what I'm going through my treadmill remains loyal.
Quote: Satan is filling your head with lies. Satan is trying to get you to be down on yourself. Your husband is so confused. His words do not match his actions. If he goes back with the OW, it is completely and totally out of guilt and nothing more. He has no ties to her whatsoever.
That darn Satan! I get so caught up in the moment that I forget about him, it is him that's causing this and I will NOT let this happen.
It still floors me that OW was thinking of buying the house two doors down from where we live!! H said she's going through the same thing I went through the anxiety, etc. and I said she'll get through it, I did and she will too.
H once again apologized for messing up my life. I said that's okay. H then said his is messed up too. I said it's life, life is ups and downs and I'll be fine.
Well work is calling. I'm working today and tomorrow then the rest of the week off!! Yippee!!
I just LOVED Snoddery's and Vinlad's posts to you!
Quote: Does he get happy? The answer is he will wear a mask that will give the impression that he is happy. He will go through a stage of euphoria for a period of time after he moves in w/the ow. Once the euphoria is over, things will begin to tarnish for him. He will still be out there searching for the elusive happiness.
I also knew this was coming eventually. But was hoping I was wrong. Your H has to go through all this crap and his journey. He doesn't "get it" yet. OH, but he will!
I now know that my H truely believes he HAS to go through with this D. I'm basically leaving him to his journey. And on the other hand, I'm choosing my own destiny!
He will not only end up disliking OW but hate her. Because she is forcing him into a life with her. God, these OW's are pathetic!
I'm here for you Cath! Always have!
But like Vinlad said, God has been preparing you for this. You you are now ready! You can do this! And we are all here for the support you need!
Let me tell you, no matter what your H tells you? 1) You are the greatest MOM! 2) You are a good wife! 3) You are a good friend! 4) You are a WONDERFUL person!
And don't let him convince you that you aren't! Because your H feels bad about himself and he wants to drag you down to his level.
Now, get on that horse! Even if it throws you off, dust yourself off and get back on. The ride isn't over!
Well H hasn't moved out yet and I won't push him out the door either. It will be hard to see him go again, really hard. H thinks the D is the answer, too. H also doesn't know if he'll be happy with OW either.
I don't want my S to be a part of H and OW's wacky world!
What you have to realize, is he is now facing the issues with the OW that he has not been facing. She is threatening his world by saying she is going to move behind you guys.
Think about this Cathy, how would that make you feel? What if you had been the one to get involved with someone else and you wanted your family back? They were threatening your world by trying to get into it. You have a son that you don't want to hurt and this woman is threatening it.
Now, he feels that his only answer is to give you guys up in order to protect you guys. He does not want to give you guys up, but he will sacrifice what he feels he needs to in order to protect it.
I know that sounds funny, but that is why it is so important for you to continue to validate and be there for him. She will eventually turn him against her because of this. Remember how it turned him off to you when you were acting this way, well she is going a step further and that is not cool.
Just keep being his friend and listening to him. He is full of shame and it is starting to show. He has to hit rock bottom and he is getting closer and closer. The more she pushes the further he goes. The more he can come to you, the better off he is because you are showing him the way. The Lord is going to use you and you have to open for him to use you.
