Wow - I take that to mean that D knows that W is in the throes of an MLC? Was that something she worked out for herself? How old was she when she felt the sting of your W's behaviour?
One thing I'm hopeful of is that if MLC is rooted in some kind of childhood or adolescent trauma my kids will be spared. Whilst S19 (who was 16 at BD) felt the full force of his father's abandonment, there was never any physical mistreatment nor were there any scathing attacks on his character. XH never said anything about the kids nor how they negatively impacted his 'freedom', although I suppose his lack of empathy and engagement probably did some damage.
XH's father was a bit of a monster, who reserved manifesting the worst bit of his violent nature for his son. Whilst XH's sisters were never physically mistreated, the old man heaped the scorn and disrespect that XH was treated with fairly evenly amongst his children. I suspect that is a big part in the punishing quest for perfection/achievement XH and his siblings appear to embrace.
In contrast, both S21 and S19 agree that their childhood was idyllic so I can only hope that the trauma that S19 felt when he was 16 will be dealt with before he embarks on a long-term relationship. Both of my boys have talked with each other about their feelings around the divorce, and both of them appear to have reached the conclusion that there are ways to go about conflict resolution that don't include detonating the family unit. However, XH used to say the same sort of thing - so who knows if recognition of bad behaviour is any indicator?
Gordie, if it's true that MLC is rooted in some kind of unresolved childhood trauma, do you believe your D is going to have anything to worry about?
