[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[44tries]

Is watching tv together over the phone common behavior, or has this just started?

Next, she'll be wanting to sleep with you.....but just over the phone.

Lol, we are normally not apart for long periods so there really isn't a "normal" for over the phone stuff. But she didn't want to watch tv together over the phone, she was saying we would watch together when she gets back so asked me not to start watching a certain show without her. Now, we have NOT been doing much tv watching together even in person since BD, so that is why the request was a bit odd.

I do think your joke about the phone might be onto something...i think the literal distance there helps her feel more comfortable so maybe that's why she seems extra friendly. I just don't want to get sucked into thinking things are really moving in a positive direction and I'm actually just the gay best friend while she has an A. I have no way of knowing as time goes on if her A is heading south and she is having more ambivalence, or if she is just wanting all the niceties of friendship and the A is more serious than ever. It [censored] to be in the dark, but like I said a lot better than if I was clueless and totally blindsided. That's what bothers me...I shudder at the thought of what I would be thinking if I was oblivious to the A.

She initiated a talk today about her feelings being hurt because she saw I had bought a few things for my workout class and hadn't asked if she wanted some as well. It was an awesome opportunity for validation because she was seriously upset and told me how she feels so selfless and thoughtful of other people all the time and others don't return the favor. She made it clear it wasn't a personal thing to do with me, she just felt sad and left out by these types of incidents and the workout stuff was an example. She said she knows she is different than most people and she realizes it is "needy". After all the validation of her feelings, I asked her how I can help her not feel that way but also not have to ask her every time I do or buy anything (thoughts of making myself dinner and her getting upset I didn't ask her if she wanted a plate come to mind...). She said it doesn't have to be always, just if it makes sense and seems like something she would like, I could think of her too. She mentioned how she had told me she was interested in joining my workout class when she is back working normal schedules if I didn't mind, and that's why maybe I could have thought of asking if she wanted me to order some stuff for her as well. I understand her point, and if we were happily married, sure! But good grief it is all so confusing for me and I knew she was being genuine and serious and trying to share her feelings so I did not choose this time to stand up and try to tell her she can't join my GAL etc. Because I used validation, the conversation went really well and I told her I understood and could give her the same consideration she gives me (she also used the example of how she always thinks to buy me things, which is true and she is still doing that so I guess I can reciprocate).

I accept that the limbo is just the way it goes but I am very careful about not taking setbacks in my detachment and the past couple days the amount of time I have spent communicating with her (again, ALL her initiation) is enough that I'm worried it is somehow unhealthy for me. Of course I like it, but it feels like I'm doing illegal drugs. Tonight is the first night she has texted me to tell me she is going to sleep and wished me goodnight. This was about 30 min after I had stopped responding to whatever she had said earlier (in other words, it was unnecessary). Just feels like some major mixed signals or she is throwing me whole loaves of bread (not just crumbs). Who wants to chat on the phone for over an hour with the H they don't want? Maybe my male brain just doesn't get it.