Hey State, really sorry to hear about your mother, seems like many of us get double or triple whammied along with BD!
Originally Posted By: State18
That said, things are continuing with the wife. With what's going on with my Mom, it's very hard to be strong and confident around her, but I'm doing my best. We're still sleeping separately and I'd love for that to change, but don't see that happening anytime soon.
Well, you are firmly stuck in the roommate zone now. I suspect the sex will never happen as long as this situation continues. Your wife is not all-in on recon. She's not committed. She more than likely is still in contact with OM, and probably planning to convert it to a PA as soon as possible. She's just biding her time until then. You've got to decide if you're willing to be stuck in this situation indefinitely or not. If it were me, I would tell her to either pack her crap and get out or go all-in on the recon. All-in would include sex, and it would include immediately handing over her burner phone so that I can review whatever conversations she's having on it, after which the phone would be destroyed. I just really think you are trying so hard to placate her that you are just coming off to her as someone she can walk all over. She has ZERO respect for you as her husband or even as a man. Have you read TXHubby's thread? If not then look it over:
He tried placating his W as well. Kept hoping she would "see the light" and quit OM and come running back to him. Finally one day he woke up, disgusted with himself over how he let himself be controlled and manipulated into this shadow of who he once was. He was ANGRY, and sometimes that's what it takes. He gave up on her and went about the business of being a man again. He got out, GAL'd, bought new clothes, worked out, focused on himself. Next thing he knew his W was begging him to take her back. Why? Because he became an alpha male again, the guy she had been attracted to in the first place.
Quote:
She was talking yesterday again about how much she'd love for us to move to Washington DC (even though it couldn't happen for work reasons until 2021). We'd be much closer to a ton of our old friends (we don't have many where we are now) and closer to her family. And that's totally reasonable. But for me, I freak out internally because the other guy would be about 60-90 mins away.
I would flat-out tell her that no move is happening to anywhere until you either reconcile or divorce. I would also tell her no new cars, no new furniture, no new appliances, etc. etc. My opinion is that you have got to start being MUCH more firm with her. If she's got to figure her crap out then fine, give her a little more time. But you've got to start asserting your alpha and clearly let her know this is not a situation that is acceptable to you in the long run.
