Open the Floodgates

[Coconut]

Coconut,

Hey man, if nothing else, it sounds like you've got the poontang part of the equation nailed down.

honestly, I'm definitely thinking with the wrong head on this one.. She's very attractive and I've been intimately lonely, so it has been fun and a stress reliever (even though there was no intercourse).

She came over again last night and ended up staying the night. The physical part is great, neither can keep our hands off the other and although no intercourse I'm pretty satisfied with what there is physically.

But the other part of the R, or whatever this is, scares the crap out of me. We have good conversation when talking during the day, but at night she turns into a completely different person (i have honestly wondered if there are drugs involved). She must have been hurt so many times; she is constantly telling me that I'm going to leave her, just disappear like everyone else. She gets jealous when I mention my girl "friends", she continuously brings up how I have a life and that I'm just gonna keep disappearing to do my own thing (camping/fishing/etc.).

I don't know if co-dependency, low self esteem, jealousy or what, but I don't like it at all. She was supposed to come over again tonight (last night was spur of the moment), but I told her this morning that I think it best we don't see each other again tonight.

I've told her that I can't be responsible for making her happy, I've told her that I want to "date" for awhile to make sure that I'm deciding to be with who is best for/with me, and not just fallow the temporary initial attraction. None of this seems to get through, and I'm frustrated as all get out. I really want to spend time with her, but I think she's too broken and will bring me down. She's mentioned that she's getting older and wants to find the one to settle down and grow old together, but she seems to want to skip the dating part to find out if I'm that one.

She has told me numerous times that it's all up to me, that she is all in and it's up to me if we stop seeing each other, that I have all the power (which is a very big turnoff). I told her that I want a partner, someone equal to me in a R, not less or more than me; she actually replied that she could never be equal to me, she would always be less. UNREAL..

I am meeting a buddy from FL a few hours from my house for a day of fishing tomorrow, then I'm leaving Thursday after work for a weekend camping trip, so I've got some time to refocus and start thinking with the head on my shoulders.

I'll be honest, there have been several times that she's said something that gives me pause, and I am pretty convinced that I've met someone either in or coming out of a MLC, too many things just don't add up, and there is definitely that kinda crazy going on.