My Scenario Pt.5 - Big D and Detaching the Monster

[OrangeK]

Ok folks. I did a lot of soul searching last night and came to the following points that i need to work out once and for all.

1.) Detachment - This needs to be my top goal in regards to DBing/moving on. Ive been trying to convince myself that i am over her. I am not. Just because I am very angry and hurt by her, and i realize she isnt the woman i fell in love with / married, I do still have a lot of emotion attached to her and I do miss her, and love what I thought we had. I need to actually move on, actually detach. I know this will be a big big challenge as i still have a lot of untended emotions, unanswered questions and a ton and a hlaf of why's, what if's and if i had's. Plus all the happy memories, im still reminded of some happy event around every corner. I know time will help this, and i think eventually meeting and dating others will help. I know that has helped me in the past.

2.)Stop the Hamster Wheel.
I am working on mental exercises to block out my tendency to be CONSTANTLY Running over all of this in my mind. Ways i can recognize my downward internal spiral and try to pull it back from the brink. I am self destructive in this. Here is where the What if's, If I Had's , and Why Me's live. They are unproductive and toxic.
I will be re-doubling my efforts in fitness, recreation and creativity to try and accomplish this.

3.) The Physical Connection.
WW is gorgeous. I still think about her both affectionately, as i want to hold her and brush her hair like i used to, but also sexually. We had an amazing sexual relationship at first, and then it faded off, and re-emerged prior to our wedding.
I still fantasize about her all the friggin time. I need another woman to be the object of my desire. I know it seems petty but i know it will help me move on. WW was everything i ever wanted physically in a woman, the right look, figure, everything. It has been really hard to let go of that aspect too. Doesn't help ive been celibate for almost a year now, at age 30.... Not fun.

4.) Know the situation, Know myself.
Logic needs to win the battle.
My emotions are constantly fighting my logic.
Love her vs. Leave her
Miss her vs. loathe her
wait and see Vs. turn and walk away
Wait on D Vs. Charge forward

I have solid decisions to make, and i need to stop flaking back and forth on them.

I know if i really dig deep i will find these answers, and i will be sure of my situation and my plan moving forward.



This feels like an up day in the ever recycling series of ups and downs.
I am hoping i can stay the course for now.
If only her face would stop flashing through my mind, smiling in the sun.

"sparkle someone elses eyes"
The Guess Who "American Woman"