We are getting into semantics here. IMO, we are here to give our M/R the best possible chance at being saved.
Intuitive measures tend to be counterproductive. (Chasing and being needy and pathetic)

Nothing you say can change W.

To oversimplify the process. I believe the key is to remove all of this strangers pressure.
Work on yourself to become a better you and to prepare yourself for whatever lies ahead.

Demonstrate that you are not going to be jerked around and that you are prepared to go on with or without W. (regaining the power you lost at BD.)Detachment

Controlling is both adding pressure and pursuing. IMO

M 53 W 54, M since 98
D15, D19
8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM
until 10/14
7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR
12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.