My Scenario Pt.5 - Big D and Detaching the Monster

[OrangeK]

She was justifying her change. People growing and changing positively is one thing. A spouse falling in love with someone else and tearing their family apart is not "growth". It is negative, selfish, awful change.

Imagine if after marrying her you started banging another chick. She finds out and you say "shouldn't people grow and change?" Do you think she would accept that. These people are so delusional that they can't see their own lunacy. "Growth and change means I can sleep with someone else!" HUH?

Also, she isn't the same person. The person your W is today is not the woman who you married and gave birth to your son. She just isn't. Maybe she is being true to herself now, and she was fake then. Or maybe childbearing, motherhood, wifehood, a combination of them or something else changed her. But regardless, women don't just go back on their commitment without a major change of heart.

Funny you put it that way Steve, i remember asking her "What if i had cheated on you during all this" when we were still talking. She said "I would have left you immediately, it would've been the proof i needed that this relationship really is over"
So its ok for her to do it, but not me.
The amount of crap ive heard that i later realized was her justifying things to herself is astounding.

Sandi, i know my WW isn't your typical case, but i know these justifying feelings and trying to explain their way out of a situation is common. How often, whether they VOICE it or not, do you feel the WW eventually realizes she was trying to fool herself, not her H?