Over the last few weeks I have gotten several temp checks from my W. On Thursday I got a a very big one.
While I was at work she sent me a series of texts asking me basically how committed I was to her. The questions were asking if I truly love her, if I can accept she's different than when we first started dating, if I still want to grow old with her and other similar questions.
I told her that these questions were a little unexpected and asked if something was wrong. She said nothing was wrong she " just wanted to know the answer to those questions"
On Friday she sent a text message asking me if my day was going better then the previous day ( I had a rough day at work on Thursday). This is something she hasn't done since last October.
On Saturday when we got home from S8's soccer game I noticed something sticky on the seat where he was sitting and made a comment about it. He wasn't around so when I got in the house I asked him about it. While I was doing that my W started getting things to clean the seat with. I asked what she was doing and she told me she was going ro clean it for me. I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted.
When she was done she started wiping down the interior of her vehicle. I grabbed a rag to help her. It didn't take long, maybe 10 minutes. I did it just to reciprocate the favor.
Afterwards we went inside and she made lunch for everyone. She then went out, got the Shop-Vac and started vacuuming my car. I asked her why and she said "because". She has NEVER cleaned my car for me.
On Sunday I was having a bad day, very tired, not in a great mood, so I was not very talkative. Late afternoon MY W asks me whether she had done something to upset me because I was acting "weird." I assured her she hadn't - I was just very tired. Again, something like this hasn't happened since before all of this started in November.
I don't know if it's a coincidence, but since that temperature check she's been acting very differently. It may mean nothing, but it is certainly very confusing.
I do have a question though. Our 25th anniversary is tomorrow. I haven't seen too much on how to handle it, but I'm sure conventional wisdom here says not to do anything.
I feel like I should acknowledge it in some way, shape or form. Nothing major, but something just to recognize it. I say this because of the way things have been changing and because of the way she reacted over me not doing anything for Valentine's Day. That seemed to be a setback and I don't want another one at this point.
So how much would be too much?
Conventional wisdom can take a long walk off of short pier. Everyone's sitch is different. There is no one size fits all. And when a big date (and the silver anniversary is a HUGE date) comes around, and your wife is at leas trying, then I say YES you should do something. Dinner, gift, the whole nine yards.
Even if you end up divorced, the fact that you made it through 25 years of marriage together requires acknowledgement. If just you and her for dinner is too intimate at this time, then include the entire family.
Get her something too. For our anniversary last month (19 years is the bronze anniversary) I got her this cool bronzed stone statue about 2 feet high of her college mascot. She is a huge fan of her university's sport and this was a perfect gift in our sitch. She loved it. (We also did our usual trip to Ruth's Chris steakhouse for our anniversary.)
Again, if celebrating your 25th anniversary with your spouse is wrong (even if they are walkaway) then I don't want to be right!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
