Well my weekend is going great. Last night I met a gf for dinner and some drinks. We had a great time. I don't see her very often, her H and my H are from the same hometown. It was a nice evening.
When I got home H and S were in bed. SS20 was channelsurfing. He was staying over night as H and son's were going to take tree stands down today. H took SS to get new tires for SS's car bright and early this morning. H bought a boat (yippee) last night so they picked that up today too. It's too cold to fish or anything to H got it parked in the garage and said "there we have a boat big woo" lol...nothing makes him happy for long does it...I just laughed and said "not even 24 hours that you've had it."
While they were away this afternoon I went shopping. Came home, they all got back here and H took a shower and got ready to go out. I didn't say a word, I didn't ask where he was going, S4 asked and H said "I'm leaving and not coming back."
H was button pushing the whole time he was getting ready and before he was leaving. H was struggling, like he didn't want to leave but HE had to leave, like a person with an addiction. He poked around for a bit, tried to stall. I went outside to do yard work, at that point H came out with his coat on. I told S to give him a hug, H did say where he was going, to his bar. S and I both waves as he left. Who really knows what H does when he's out and about....I do not ask. Am I in denial? I don't think so, I don't want H to have to lie about it to me. When/if he's ever ready he can tell me.
I think what T2 told me during one of our chats is true, H is trying realling hard to NOT drink..as he doesn't think he has a drinking problem. He's not drinking as much these last couple of weeks, but it's like he can't stop himself. I am seeing for the first time, I am not a part of his problem, so I can observe.
I think I'm re-detaching or however you say that, maybe even a little more than I was. I keep thinking back over H's behavior over the years and I'm really seeing it all for the first time and that it didn't have anything to do with me. I made it about me, co-dependent is that what they call it? Well no more.
This is H's journey and either he'll make it or he won't. The one thing that recently came to light is that H has been unhappy for a long, long time....what if he stays unhappy for the rest of his life. I think tonight when I wasn't playing his game, at one point I came right out and said to H "what is wrong" when he started pushing buttons. He told me something and then the conversation kind of dropped and he sat looking dejected/in another world. Went and logged onto the computer for a bit, at that point I went outside and that's when he left.
I came back into the house and he hadn't even disconnected from the phone...which is always does. So H was definitely distracted.
S4 is in bed, I'm sitting at the computer for awhile and then I'll got bed.
