Its all the unanswered questions, all the unresolved pains. She left and pushed me away, wouldn't answer anything, fed me breadcrumbs, told me contradictory stuff, lied to me about things we both know i knew.
This is why i cannot let go. there are too many open holes, too many lose ends and unanswered questions. I feel so devalued, so worthless and hated. I get angry about being a Dad, i never asked to, but she got what she wanted, got her fake wedding and left me to die.
Ill never not need this information, these answers. She damaged me for life.
I am so close to quitting all of this and leaving.
OK, I know you think that being able to communicate with your W and even still living in the same house is easier. I can tell you it isn't.
The above quote feelings you are expressing you go through NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SITCH IS. I know you said in another post you envied those of us that still got to talk to and see our WWs. Well I envy you. You are NC not by choice, but guess what, seeing and talking to your WW makes it even harder to detach, GAL, 180, etc. Not reacting poorly to things she says and does are extremely difficult. There have been many times over the course of the last 5 months I should have shutup, walked away, validated, not engaged, not indulged, not initiated conversation, not begged, pleaded, reasoned, used logic, tried to convince, pressured, tried to reach out, and got rejected, got dismissed, got ignored, got disrespected, got verbally slapped, etc.
You got shutdown one time. I've gotten shutdown dozens of times. In the meantime, I am still supporting her financially. Despite all of the above. Yes she isn't currently in the arms of an OM. In some ways that would be even easier because I could move on, and focus on me and my daughter.
OK, you are spinning emotionally, I get it. Read my latest update and you will see that NONE OF US are immune from that. It can happen to any of us despite our current sitch, no matter how far along we are. Look at hoosjim, his WW seems to be fully committed back to their MR and doing the work, yet he still has things he dwells on and worries about.
OK, your son needs YOU. Not you in relation to your W, but YOU as the individual father in his life that will make all the difference in the man he grows up to be. Don't let your sitch with your W cause you to fall down on your responsibilities to him.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
