Hi Laurie,

When he did say "packing his bags" I did respond to him by saying "fine then", then do something, H I want you to be happy!" To which he replied, "well I wouldn't be happy at OW's either" so he was contradicting himself throughout the whole conversation. H was just venting/releasing emotions. And, you are right, I cannot do anything for him.

Last night I let go of my expectations of H coming home at all. Got S4 to bed, got myself situated in bed, with my "Power of Praying Woman" book, on H's side. When H isn't there at night for some reason I sleep better when I'm on his side of the bed. Ended up laying there trying to pray and doze a little.

Well not too long after that I hear H pulling into our driveway into the garage. Took him a few minutes to get into the house. I was still laying on his side of the bed with the light on in the bedroom as I do that when H is gone until I'm drousy enough to sleep. Decided to move to my side of the bed and H ate some food in the kitchen and then came to bed.

I didn't say a word. H said "were you worried about me" and then answered his own question "no." I said well after the mood you were in today I didn't know if I should expect you or not. H said that had nothing to do with it..not quite sure what that meant.

I didn't really say anything unless H said something, mostly it was childish banter. Hey...did I wake you up? Me: No I was just dozing. Then again Hey...are you mad I turned the light on..me: no I wasn't sleeping. H: you do that to me when I'm sleeping. I said: because I need to get my pjs out of the room. I said a lot of times I don't turn the light on to which H responds "so you sneak around" yeah I know...he was trying to push my buttons last night. Eventually he fell asleep and then S4 wanted to come into our bed and H didn't even hear him, asked me this morning when S came into bed with us. Needless to say I didn't sleep very well last night.

I do have to ask H his plans for the weekend, etc. in order to plan my weekend. I like to know what he's doing, if he's going to take S4 with him, etc., etc. If he's not than I make arrangements. If I make arrangements ahead of time ASSuming H has his own plans and then H wants S I have to unarrange things. So it's better to know up front what H is doing...don't you think?

In order for me to fully detach I have to treat H the way he treated me when he left..like I don't care, H deal with it and it's hard because I do have FEELINGS, I don't like to see my child fail.. I mean my H..my feelings, the compassionate side of me that I never let show in the past,get in the way too many times.

But, I think I'm getting the picture here. H does have to come through this on his own, just like I did.

Cathy