Advice on my Scenario Pt.4

[OrangeK]

You need to go back and read sandi's post on Wayward Wives. WWs are NOT the person you thought you knew. The girl you met, wooed, and married is gone. Potentially never to return, at least not on any timetable you might have or want.

I will do that. How does this change happen? what causes it and is it a PERMANENT change? Forever? I don't understand this. How can someone have ideals, morals, boundaries and a plan for their life, and then completely abandon all of those, and literally nuke everything they have worked towards for 5 years? Where is the logic?
How is it rationalized at all? It makes no sense, even the lies and slander campaign? We spoke vows of eternal love, and she as far as i know, was already aware of what would happen or she changed her mind 150% within a 4 month time frame. IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.

So you would not be sending this letter to the girl you married, but to the monster that has taken her place. With that knowledge do you still think it is a good idea to send it?

If it could somehow shock her to reality, then yes.
Im just reeling from how much this doesn't make sense to me.
it flies in the face of everything i knew about her, everything she ever told me, every desire and hope she had ever expressed.

Im trying so hard to convince myself she isn't narcissistic and unfix-able, that she isn't the monster she has shown herself to be.

Heres the thing. Her past shows this pattern. I didnt know any of this when we met, dated or got engaged. I thought after i learned some of this about her that we were different.
That i had finally provided everything she was hoping for, but it really seems she will always want something more, or different.

I live in constant fear that OM will be the one she stays with. This infuriates me. He is inferior, it doesn't make sense. I'm not saying this out of jealousy or spite. He has no morals, he knowingly destroyed his own engagement and my family to be with my wife. He is far less attractive than me, he still lives with his parents.
the only thing i can think of is that he is more submissive, more plyable to her will and manipulations, but as long as they are together, i cant seem to let this go. I know i need to detach from her and OM and their situation together but i simply CANNOT. i have tried everything i can think of.
I LOVE HER TOO MUCH, SHE GOT ME ADDICTED TOO WELL.

everyone says time heals, i see other people who have been separated far less time than me that are moving on, GAL'ing and detaching successfully. Why can i not do this? why am i failing?
Why can i not transfer my hurt, betrayal and pain to confidence, indipendance and freedom of will?

How does she hold such power over me, without even having to talk to me, see me, or anything?

The lack of closure is too much to bear.
I dont think ill ever heal without an explanation, some remorse, some actual emotion from her and ill never get it. She doesnt possess it.

Shes just going to hate me forever, and i didnt even do anything to make her hate me.

I feel demasculated, OM is an ugly chump and yet he has gotten all i ever wanted in life. He has stolen my family away from me, and she gave it all to him willingly.

I dont want to scare anyone, but this is literally driving me insane.
Im getting to the point where i dont want to do any of this anymore.

I want to burn everything i own, and leave, never to be seen here again.
I want to vanish.
The pain is too much to live with everyday. its too much, she took all i had.