Newbie In Need Of Guidance #3

[rminer]

Newly20,


Thank you for your input. I do appreciate everyone's opinion and suggestions.


That being said, when you have time to back and read more of my sitch. You may understand why I am taking the approach I am a litte better.

She is clearly still in an affair... ...She is still seeing you as plan B, she does just enough with you to keep you on the hook. She is in no way turning around...

Yes, I too believe the A is still going on. I'm just questioning whether it may be dying down a bit. You are right. She could be playing me like a fiddle right now. I don't know. I do know that in the month since I stopped doing DB by "the book" and started giving my W more of my time as sandi2 suggested, we have made more progress than in the three months leading up to it.

I'm not "slobbering all over her," as sandi2 put it, I am just giving her more of my time and a little more attention.

...she even suggested you volunteer and work alongside OM. This should have been an immediate no response from you, instead you said you would give it thought. This shows weakness on the ultimate level in my opinion. Also, why are you guys still in the same household? I understand she homeschools the kids but still, your enabling her wayward lifestyle.

You have to understand that my W does not know that I know about the A. I've elected to follow sandi2's and Accy's advice and work on myself first and then confront her. If I don't like myself, how could I expect her to want to be with me? sandi2 and Acc hit me with that 2x4 many painful times.


As far as working alongside the OM, "no" is what I was saying in my head, but refusing to would have just been more of the same to her. Once the A is revealed, it would become a different story.

Stop doing activities together, i.e. Concerts and things with the kids. She needs to see what life will be without you.

In her mind, she already knows what life without is like. Her complaints all revolved around me working too much and not spending time with her and the family. Doing that now would just be more of the same to her.

you are giving her the best of both worlds.

Right now I am. Once I confront about the A, it will most likely have to change.

I know its hard because of the kids, especially S8. You need to contiue to shoe him love and he will adapt. You cannot cover up for wife and make it seem like she is perfect.

He may adapt, but he may not fully recover. Kids are affected by this more than we like to believe.

I'm not covering up for my wife and making it seem like she is perfect. I stopped that months ago.

I've talked to all of the kids openly about what my W is doing (not directly about the A with S8 and D15) and all of them know her faults. I wasn't sure what to say to S8 when he asked that and that was the best I could come up with spur of the moment. I wasn't about to tell him that his mother doesn't want to acknowledge that she is M to me because she is having an A.