Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Hi Sandi,

Don't discuss anything with WW in front of the kids.

I have never do, last years when she become, quilting me/argue in front of them, i shut her down/or end make it to them, not being witness.

Be sure you see your kids. Just don't stay with them at the home, to be a convenience to your WW. Understand?

I understand, this will be very strange to them, i will do it any way.

Unless you fear harassment, I think you should tell her you are leaving her.

OMG Sandi, yes i fear. 5 years ago, by this approach she put me to convince my affair, then the hell come down....the years prior that looks like heaven. I will face the fear ...

Suggest to her you communicate through email. If you must meet face to face, it has to be a public place, like a coffee shop.

I have to use FB, she did not use mail. Meeting will try to be outside, not in home.

I think you should tell her you have left her and won't be back, except to get your things. I don't know how she will react, or what she may tell the kids.

At the moment she is in rage, after some days, me not be at home, and not telling her where i am. If i told her i living her, she will go ballistic.
All this 5 years, she kept my infidelity out of the kids, BUT Many times, she maid biter comments, or talking about my infidelity in front of them, they were lithe, but....so she switch to real b*itch, when got emotional....very short temper. She can be calm, ONLY when she have to take something from the situation. The example: when i was confessed mi infidelity, she ask me in very calm and understanding way, to tel her everything, and that will be our new beginning of R and M, so i believed her.....i fell like a full, because i was so much honest ...

If she threatens to make you out to be the bad guy........you can remind her you know the truth about her 2 other men.

She already did, two of our neighbors her GF, already know, that she suppose me to cheating, that i cheat in the past, that i guild her about her chat with OM2 (and they are just casual friends), that she keep this relationship with OM2, only to punish me - b/c she know i reed her chat, she told them if i wont back home to be with her she will punish me very hard IDK (may will have PA?), how horrible i am, how she staid with me after my infidelity - but me humiliate her about OM2, how she did not give any other man than me to touch her ....alot more in the line
Do you know what, one of this neighbor woman was GF of OM1. She definitely was in limerance with OM1, him was friendly to her, may be flirty when i was not there.

Tell her you can tell the kids that you've separated, together. Tell her she can propose a visitation schedule for the kids.

We already discuses this, i our last M talk, month ago. on this talk i told her i do not want to live with her/like that, because i feel disrespected and not satisfied. I told her i am going to move in our new flat, when is ready. In the meanwhile, i will stay at home (i told her there was 2 years living like this, so i will handle 3 months more). She test me, keep NC for 20 days, then blow up. So my boundary kick me out of home.I told her, will tel the kids, we are separating because, we are not able to make each other satisfied by being together.
About the kids, i think she will think before doing something stupid. She is very caring mother (when she is in right metal state).

1. Her disrespectful behavior toward her H and the M.

Talk to others, about our problems. Make fun of me behind my back. Gild trip me about my past mistakes.

2. Her having two boyfriends.

Only emotional connected.
With OM1, she was sms/talk, see with him for coffee, spend a lot of time with hime (he was neighbor), she tried to make him my friend, she looks like schoolgirl around him, she was in limerance, she was known i do not approve, she maid me suffer with pleasure. It lasted
6 months, OM1 dump WW, b/c his GF found some sms. I know about this, bay observation, Intel and convos b/w WW and GF, that she had a crush about OM1
very soon after that come
OM2, he is WW haircut client.
Up to now i more that one year, daily chat, Go out for coffee, meal, WW last summer was 2 -3 times per week at his place for coffee. WW shown limerance, yesterday i found out, that she began so much into him because of me, and she do flirt intentionally by FB, because she know i will read.

3. Her withholding sex for the past five years.

She cut any sex, love touch, kiss, hugs - everything - just room mates.

4. Her refusal to work on the MR.

She said there is not MR, we are separated, she cannot work on something that is not there any more, she is done ....BUT in the past at the beginning of OM2, she pushes me when i will leave her, because she do not recon to MR, i was telling her i am sating for the kids, all my attempts to stand up my self to not like her Friendship with OM2, was busted (do what you want, but think about the kids, we are just friend, we are separated, i staid when you had real affair).
From 5 years she is full of resentment.

Try to stick to these main issues, ...but don't argue

I will not argue, at all. I want woman who will try to make me feel good and allow me to do the same for her.

Who cares! She was not thinking about her parents

To be homes i really do not care, i know that how i living now is harmful to me mentally.

Unless she is a much better mother than she is a wife, the kids will know before you have a chance to tell them.

I think she will behave like real mother ...

Why do you feel guilty, when you know the truth? I tell you why. B/c you have been the victim of abuse. She has beat you down. She is an abuser, and she isolated you from your family b/c she wanted to enjoy watching you suffer from her abuse. You have believed the lies of your abuser.

This Sandi is true about mot of our relation sheep.
because of lack of sex in our M, i was addict to porn, when she found out (did not tell-util 5 years ago), she become more abusive.
Now i do not have porn problems.

Would your friend give you emotional support?...is the worst she can do?

No i do not have such a friend, you Sandi give mi emotional support, if i am convinced that i am doing right thing, i will not have problem to handle whatever it is come.
That is my biggest issue.
The worst ting, may be she do sex with someone and let me know. She is the person that want to pay back.

Was she physically fighting you? Don't discuss OM and her flirty behavior, if she gets violent.

No physically not ever, me either
No, I do not want to discus her behavior or OM1/OM2, last R talk month ago, i told her that i will not be with woman that accept behavior like this as normal and nothing wrong. Period

You can do this! You are stronger than you think. You have truth on your side. If she threatens violence, take the police to get your personal belongings from the home, and/or to see your kids.

Thank you Sandi, being next to me..
I do not see problem for now to go home take, what i need. The tings are not escalated for now. WW comment to GF if i not go home (aka leave) she will push the thing to divorce very fast ....in the end i am "let her go", i am not detached, i suffer about her comments, but now i can see my situation more clear......

Today i spoke to the kids, they were very happy, they were on picnic with neighbors. I told them i have work to do and not going home. Talk with them to see them tomorrow for a wail.

I am going tomorrow morning to text my WW:
Wife, as i told last time, i am not going to live like this any more.
Until the flat will be ready to move, i will stay out.
We will keep the financial aspect we agreed last time, as support the kids. When the flat is ready we will discuss finance's again.
What is your opinion about, what to tell the kids. Could we keep my staying out like work time, until the flat is ready, the to telling them we are going to leave separate.
I have spoke to the kids to see them today (tomorrow), what time will be OK.

That is the text i wont to send, what is your opinion. I do not explain why ...b/c i already told her that i do not wont live like this form more than one year, and during this year she gradually increase the bit.......if i told her that something relay upset me emotionally she will do double of it, only when she will loose something, she can back off for a wail, ones she reach what she need she is back on the track.
Now she will loose my support and everything come with me, she is not looks like to change her mind, so i expect to be very nasty when pay back.

wire soon