[s]No[/s] affair, no feelings...is there hope? III

[44tries]

Amoafwl, thanks for attempting to respond, wish I could have read it

So we ended up having a rather lengthy discussion. At first, I deflected her question and lightheartedly said "Oo nosy, that's a pretty personal question." Of course she says this must mean the answer is yes, blah blah. I told her no it doesn't and then got more serious about boundaries. I said this isn't a two way discussion coming from a place of honesty, so please don't ask me these types of questions anymore.

She didn't back down. Why can't I ask them? etc... I decided to turn the question around and asked her "Do you think it would be appropriate or inappropriate if I were to be seeing someone now?" Back to my previous post, I was actually unsure if she would try to run with the narrative that it's okay because we're "broken up" and she can free herself to do the same, or if she would go the jealous route and tell me I'm not allowed. She said it would be inappropriate. Ah, interesting, seems we agree then. Now at least, in the future, she can't try to give some B.S. about how her A was okay.

In the end, it became an "honest" conversation about how we both agree it isn't appropriate to be seeing other people right now, something we hadn't explicitly discussed before (probably because it is obvious!). She asked if I wanted to see other people and if and when I do, to let her know.

She said, "I already told you I'm not going to do you wrong and I always answer your questions."

Sure, you answer them...with lies!! This would have all been "good communication" except for the fact that it was actually a game that I lost, essentially because I didn't play my trump card--which is that I know of her A. It became a discussion that required (and was about) honesty and transparency and neither one of us gave it. I had to become vague and evasive because I knew the whole thing was a sham, and she wondered why I was being complicated and confusing. She wants to demand honesty and realness from me, and even go so far as to say she thinks she has "been pretty good at continuing communication with me" and we have both been open about our thoughts and feelings. It was all so convincing for a minute I almost doubted what I have seen with my own eyes.

Feel free to tell me everything I did wrong and how she got what she wanted (assurance I'm not going to go out with other women, or as much assurance as you can get from a sham of an agreement anyway). I don't know how I could have won without telling her I know she is full of sh!t. But I didn't want to do anything I can't undo. I hope someone can tell me how to win these games without needing the trump card, or at least when is the right time to use it. I hate games. And I'm tired of losing.