Quote: Okay, the OW knows that he has a wife, but has she ever really thought of you as being a real person? Probably not. Well, she found out by your call that you are a real person and you are living at home with him. You also called him out on being an adulterer. So you nailed to birds with one stone.
What an excellent point!!! We do forget that the OW has no real context in which to relate to US as other women/other human beings because to them we aren't real because our S has allowed them to believe that our stature in their life has been minimalized.
All women have experienced rejection and heartache at some point in their lives and I think very few would ever truly be able to turn a cold and indifferent heart to our pain if they were to stop for a minute and see us as 'real people' with the same needs, desires and emotions as they have.
If these ow were capable of seeing us as real, it would certainly make a difference. I see a running similarity between these ow. They don't see us, period. We don't exist nor do H's children. That would be letting reality in and heaven knows, the affair would end once reality set in.
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Called H this morning to see if he'd pick up S as I'd like to grocery shop in peace. He then gives me the run around on what he's doing tonight. Say's it's his drinking night first and then says he's not coming home...has to go to town that OW lives in to listen to a message I left there for him...funny he doesn't use her name a whole lot, just the town. If he's trying to push me away he then uses OW's name. He told me the exact words that I said on the message, wouldn't say how he knew. I said why do you have to go if you know what the message is? I just said fine then if you have to go you have to go.
He then brought up the trust issue again. I asked him to be in my shoes and I'm the one that's seeing someone else and he said "then I'd have to make a decision" and then H said I'm going to do that soon. I'm going to flip a coin and whatever side it is I'm going to go there becuase I really don't care when I'm at. I said "I'm sorry you feel that way, mabye someday you won't" and H just agreed..kind of sarcastically.
H then says I'll pick up S I'm just giving you a hard time. But, I am going to a retirement party next Wednesday for a guy his works with he says. We then talk about his job, when he can retire, etc. H asked how my party went last night. I then ask him what he wants for groceries, does he want to come, no he doesn't "I know what to get" does offer a few suggestions.
We then say good bye to each other..about a 15 minute phone call I would say.
I love the way Laurie explained the possible reason for you calling ow. I was thinking about this yesterday and realized that perhaps we often hold back when the right thing would probably be to just call it out.
Quote: "then I'd have to make a decision" and then H said I'm going to do that soon. I'm going to flip a coin and whatever side it is I'm going to go there becuase I really don't care when I'm at.
Sorry your H is being a child again. You know, I feel the same way....I don't care what side the coin lands on.
What's a home and garden party? How did it turn out?
Your Home & Garden party sounds like fun! I love that kind of stuff. I don't watch much tv (not since Sex and the City) but I do take a 1/2 hour or so to watch HGTV. Would love to have been there!
Quote: Was just over visiting you..see it's the same ole same ole with your H.
Yup. Got a question for you: I don't remember you saying so but did you have a visitation schedule with your H? Did you have a legal sep agreement?
Just thinking about boundaries. I feel as if I have to do "something" but I don't know what. Perhaps it's all this caffeine!
Quote: H is really good at flipping coins and flipping coins and flipping coins.
H doesn't know what he's doing until he's doing it most of the time.
My H is very methodical about everything and I think (ASSumption) he knows EXACTLY what he's doing.
It seems like a lot of threads are ending at the same time. My new one is Rebuilding Trust II Come visit when you can.
I really don't think the OW sees us as a person whether they know us or not. I've known H's b?tch for 15 years, been out to dinner with her and her H many times. My H and her H used to be very good friends. In fact, those 2 had drinks together a few weeks ago (I would love to have a fly on the wall for that convo!). Well, enough about my sitch.
How did your party go. I've only been to one of those home interior parties, but I've been to lots of candle parties.
You know, Cathy, I think you have more patience than ANYONE else here on the board. If anyone truly deserved to get their M back on track, it's you. I'm praying for you and think of you often even if I don't post to you.
Mary
"God, help me keep my head up, my heart open, and know I'll always be guided along the path."
Quote: You know, Cathy, I think you have more patience than ANYONE else here on the board. If anyone truly deserved to get their M back on track, it's you. I'm praying for you and think of you often even if I don't post to you.
Took the words right out of my mouth! You do deserve something for ALL your effort!
Like a home intereriors party, in-house selling of pictures, candles, etc. Went okay, not a big turnout. It was fun!
