Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[sandi2]

Tomorrow i want to talk to the kids, to see how are they. If my WW, want to talk to me in front of the, what to do. It will be hurting to den if i refuse to talk to her ...they are not suspect nothing.

Don't discuss anything with WW in front of the kids. Tell the kids to go to their rooms, or go outside, but don't discuss the situation with your W in their presence. Then, talk to the kids and tell them you will see them soon. Tell them you love them and will not stop being their father.

"i will stay out of home until the flat is ready to move there"...

Be sure you see your kids. Just don't stay with them at the home, to be a convenience to your WW. Understand?

If we speak with WW, and she ask me where i am, when will go home ...what to answer ....i am thinking of answering

Unless you fear harrssament, I think you should tell her you are leaving her. Has your legal advisor told you something differently? I don't know the law there, but you have done nothing wrong. Just tell her you are done with the M.

If she wont to see each other to talk to what we are going to do and how....should i met her or it is better to communicate by text..

Suggest to her you communicate through email. If you must meet face to face, it has to be a public place, like a coffee shop.

Should i initiate text her, telling her that i will not go back to home, ask her to think how to deal with the kids....telling them,

I think you should tell her you have left her and won't be back, except to get your things. I don't know how she will react, or what she may tell the kids. If she threatens to make you out to be the bad guy........you can remind her you know the truth about her 2 other men. Tell her you can tell the kids that you've separated, together. Tell her she can propose a visitation schedule for the kids.

regarding her convo to her GF,

Maybe at another time, but not now. Just break the news you are gone. You are leaving due to:

1. Her disrespectful behavior toward her H and the M.
2. Her having two boyfriends.
3. Her withholding sex for the past five years.
4. Her refusal to work on the MR.

Try to stick to these main issues, without going into what you know about her conversations with GF's. Just state your reasons if she asks, but don't argue. You don't have to prove what you know. In fact, you don't have to give her reasons, if you don't want to talk about it.

she wait when i will go home, she do not expect me to stay at another place long therm. She is very convinced there is infidelity from my par now. She was telling to the GF, she not going to tell about our situation to her parents, in her words this will kill them....

Who cares! She was not thinking about her parents when she was on OM#1 & 2! She says things like this to control you and make you feel duty bound to stay with her. If she gets ugly with you or threatens, then you can tell her parents the truth.

can i wait, before telling the kids about "US", that we are going to be separate, to move in the new flat, where they can start recognizance like their new home.

Unless she is a much better mother than she is a wife, the kids will know before you have a chance to tell them. I suspect she will react in anger and tell them......but IDK her. You can still see your kids! Don't wait until you have the flat completed before spending time with your kids.

Al this is very scary, i feel so much gild, when listening how she talking to her GF, it is look like so much like WAW, lived in abusive and neglected marriage,

Why do you feel guilty, when you know the truth? I tell you why. B/c you have been the victim of abuse. She has beat you down. She is an abuser, and she isolated you from your family b/c she wanted to enjoy watching you suffer from her abuse. You have believed the lies of your abuser.

No guilt, when you know the truth, okay?

She was telling that she gave me chance to prove my self, and now she is glad that she do not fall to me again, because i showing her that i am not changed.... So i am a bad guy.

Your WW is a liar. I want you to stop listening to her conversations, b/c you believe what she says! She lies, to make herself sound good. She tries to fool everyone. She tries to make a fool out of you. No more!

If WW ask me to go back at home, and ask me about my conditions ...what to say

You tell her, "No!" Tell her it is not her concern.

If WW ask me to go back at home, and ask me about my conditions ...what to say? How to stand my self UP, after so many years being, easy going husband (most of the time (nice guy) and last 5 years doormat, except may be last 6 months (when i become more and more standing about my self).

Would your friend give you emotional support? How much have you told him about her abuse? You need somebody to go with you, or stand by your side when you have to deal with her, until you get past this initial part of leaving. But if he can't, then you can do it alone. What is the worst she can do?

Don't tell her where you are staying or your conditions. It is none of her business.

What to say, if me and WW talk, about our situation, and she asks why i am living?
last time when we talk, i told her that that i do not want to live withe her, because of her behavior (mostly being flirty with OM2), she fight me write there that i finding justification to leave, because she do not doing any wrong. She will clime this, in any further convo ...i suppose.

Was she physically fighting you? Don't discuss OM and her flirty behavior, if she gets violent.

Tell her not to be concerned how you are living. Tell her you do not want to be with her. You do not have to prove anything to her. You do not have to present your case to her.
You do not have to win justification from her. Just say you don't love her b/c she wants to punish you. Most men would leave b/c she refused sex for 5 years! She has been a bad wife. You do not have to defend yourself. She should be the one to be defensive!

You can do this! You are stronger than you think. You have truth on your side. If she threatens violence, take the police to get your personal belongings from the home, and/or to see your kids.

((hugs))