Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

2. My feelings, thoughts and vents.

Now i am feeling very low. The things got worst.
I feel i do not have home anymore where to come. As i said above, my WW punishing me intentionally (or justify her self)to develop what she have with OM2, because she think that i kill her roses from OM2 last year.
So there is no wife, there is no woman i have to wait for.
I really need support about, staying on my way to be separate from now on. I do not want to talk to WW, i do not have anything to speak about. Every thing have been sad. I do not want to confront her about, what i know by my Intel/snooping.
I really do not know how she can, go back to normal...ever. I do not want see her at this point, last month, when we behave almost nice each other, it was like huge lie. For me was difficult to look at her.
During this last 20 days, i sow in me "Stockholm syndrome" i felt, slide forgetting about the reality ....
I do not want live like this any more, i just have to decide how to proceed with the kids.
It is very difficult, my codependency telling me i have to go home, with the kids ....but my new self telling me there is only misery at home. I leave in this misery for long time. I do not deserve this anymore, only way to stop this is to separate my self from WW.
For very long time i lived, in this limbo and try to connection with WW, and she used for cake eating. last 2 moths after my firs leave the home for a week, i looked at my self and said "i do not wont to live like this any more".
I was a full for so long, thanks Sandi .... to open my eyes, in the past i take any temp check like, her attempt to reconciliation or second thought, and the pattern was, when she sow i am commuted, she go back where she was. Not this time. Last 2 months i have slowly become more confident in breaking the loop, that i have lived for so long.

sorry about this venting, i know it is a mess.

next post, i am going to ask some questions and advise, how to handle next..part of my journey