I need some guidance

[Ste7e]

You are right Steve : ( My thoughts are obssessively about her and I am so scared about letting go as I fear dropping into depression and codependent withdrawal.

[Ste7e]

Man it hit me hard tonight. I should have just done nothing earlier. I kept reaching out to W and saying I love you for the past 2 and a half months. Now it just feels like she is never coming back. It feels like it is too late to LRT I showed my hand.

[RR17]

It will hit hard. And a day later you will be like, do what you want.

It's not too late it just seems beyond your control. Fact is it was always beyond your control.

Stay strong.

[Newly20]

I will mirror what RR said, it is never too late. I'm in the same boat as you, i have days where i feel hopeless and I'm consumed by my emotions, other days i go about my business and have no thoughts on my wife. Focus on yourself, get into the best shape of your life, get out with friends, improve yourself at work! Anything but focusing on your W.

You didn't mention any kids, going DARK/NC should be easier for you. Here's the thing sometimes we forget, our wives did not fall in love with us overnight, and they didn't fall out of love from one day to the next! It will take time for them to see any changes and actually believe them. We cannot control them, Be the best Ste7e you can be, if recon happens great! If not, her loss and something better will come along at the right time. Stay strong

[Ste7e]

Newly20 great advice...yeah the idea that they didnt fall in love with us overnight is helpful. Really trying to finally focus on me. It is hard as I can get into obsessive compulsive headspace where I just focus on her ... any tips on getting out if OCD

[RR17]

Advice? Get busy.

If it is not possible. A cold shower will give you something else to think about. Read about cold showers. Many positive benefits. Turn that sucker on cold and you will break that ruminating loop.

[Ste7e]

Ok round 2...W is coming by today to sort all her remaining possessions from mine. I know I need to validate and mirror and I think I did a good job of that the other night. But I really need to detach and not say ILY even if I get pulled into a conversation about R.

[Ste7e]

I need to act as if I already decided that I will be ok without her in my life im any capacity moving forward. There is nothing I want or need from her. I will be ok I will not need control over anything but my emotions and pain. I need a good day today with a step forward to not pursueing. I only need this one day now and when I come to tomorrow I will need that day then. Dont get ahead of myself or the situation. Any other pointers or encouragement?

[Ste7e]

Ok W came over yesterday to sort her remaining possessions from mine. I was positive talked about job interviews I had coming up and mutual friends kept it pretty light. I walked through house with her and we sorted stuff pretty quickly. She was still moving stuff and after her being there for 30 mins I said I had to go.

[Ste7e]