Gotdie #19: patience, trust...and hope

[AndrewP]

Gordie - you are facing contradictory goals both of which are noble.

Firstly you want to have your marriage back. Secondly you want to have a good marriage with reciprocity, trust and dignity. In a word - boundaries.

I think that many of us had similar marriages. When my ex would say "frog" I would jump. Over the years what started as courtesy became habit became expectation and perhaps from some points of view, became abuse.

Both of our spouses felt they could do whatever they wanted without consequences.

It is buried in a lot of the posts, especially by job, that while we grow and change and learn, our spouses don't. They also expect us to not have changed either and to be "right where they left us" as I posted to OwnIt yesterday.

You've picked the path less traveled. In some ways I'm more fortunate than you because in my case she did leave and while it appears she's not letting me go, she's showing no signs of wanting to come back so I can chart my own course. You (I believe) know where you want to go and can see your destination. Your wife is wandering around the left luggage office

I presume she is still resistant to getting counseling?

I wish I had something helpful to say but I don't.

#TeamGordie