To respond about your W's birthday.........I still say no surprises! If you want to give a party, fine......just don't surprise her. She doesn't like those type of surprises b/c she wants to be looking her best.
The subject of her at OM's hotel room needs to be addressed. You are not going to be able to let it go. The hurt in you will come through in other ways, and your W will misunderstand.
If you had tried to present some data before she was begging you to reconcile, I think it would have been useless in getting you the results you wanted. The time you should have brought it was when she was suppose to be confessing everything. She may get angry that you have kept silent about it and decide to address it now.........however, I think you have to get an answer b/c you need to know one way or the other. Of course, she will want to know how you acquired the data........and that may open a can of worms, IDK. As I recall, you started pulling back when the MC said something about you revealing your sources of intell. So, bear in mind if she reveals anymore secrets, she will probably feel you have to reveal your sources. You don't.......but, i'm just saying what you might expect. Even the MC hinted that not revealing your sources were equal to keeping secrets. I thought you gave her an excellent reply, BTW.
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Both W and MC give me some grief for being too rigid and always wanting a perfectly structured solution or to do things "by the book" , and I do have proclivities that way, but... in this case I still think there'd be some value. There are detailed reflection and introspection and examination of conscience and forgiveness exercises that I think might be helpful for something like this.
If you are doing this in hopes she will talk about that time in OM's hotel room........I don't think she'll volunteer the information, even if nothing happened. She'll think you would be suspicious b/c she didn't mentioned it when she was spilling her guts. And, if something did happen.......she knows she should have confessed it when she was asked if she had anything else to add. You are wanting the workbook to serve the purpose, but I don't think it will.........b/c of this timing situation. If you want to know, then you will have to be the one to bring it up, instead of dancing around it. This will be rotten part of the apple, if you don't get it cleared up once and for all.
Unless you can tell when she's lying, I just don't know that you'll be satisfied. Plus, I think she's going to start pushing back when you address the hotel room subject. Here's the thing........make your decision and let it be the one that you can live with. Don't keep digging up these bones!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
