I haven't been around much lately (well for months really) and this morning (saturday May 5th almost 8am NZ time) I thought I would stop by and say hello. And find that you updated yesterday.
I'm pleased that life is finding a pace that is good. After the years that we have faced a little boredom and lack of drama is refreshing. I appreciate your comments on the "something will give at some point". We have grown Zues when the anticipation of the next part dip on the roller coaster of life isn't anxiety producing.
Your children sound delightful and real. You worked hard to have what you do with them. Great to see you have that reward.
As for me, from mid 2017 work has got me down, I took on a role I don't really think I am suited to. Management is not my thing. But I am learning more about my self and my skill set. I am learning more and more that too much contact with people leaves me drained and anxious. Still trying to figure out the balance.
My home life and relationship are settled in some kind of way. It is at least predictable in it's unpredictability. My man and I celebrated two years of our long distant relationship in March 2018. We have been back and forth between our respective home countries over the last two years. It has been a significant investment in time money and emotion, but well worth it. I am a very lucky woman to have found him. I am by far the happiest and settled I have ever been. We are not the perfect couple by any stretch. We have lots of similarities, in that we are both introverts, lacking in self confidence. We have some points of contention, and unresolveables. But we neither of us a fighters. We have found some good problem solving strategies and have both learned to let go. He loves my body as it is. His view is that all women are beautiful and sexy and I am more so given he chose me. I have learned to trust his view of my body, I trust him when he says I am sexy that I turn him on. I don't push his hands away or hide my naked self from him. I think this level of trust makes him feel good. I however remain in quiet discord about my body and the reasons he would be physically attracted to me. More importantly though our values are and our feelings about commitment in relationships are the same. The trust is high between us. We have been talking about our future together which has involved conversations about marriage and a move of countries for one of us. Things will likely start moving forward in the fall when his youngest starts college.
So if am moving to my man's home town a new career path is likely on the horizon. I cannot practice in his home town very easily. A big process and financial investment. It's a starting over at the bottom of the rung for me if I choose to remain in my current career. His home country pays really poorly for what I do. I am struggling with the thought of being so financially dependent. He says it would be a pleasure to support me, given that I am moving my life to be with him and if are to be partners this is what needs to happen. He says it is the right thing to do. I have never been financially dependent on anyone, not even my mother. I had my first part time job at 14 years old, as my mother was a single parent on minimum wage. From age 14 my mother paif my school fees and my school uniform and put food on the table and roof over my head. I looked after everything else. It will be a challenge for me. But I feel lucky that he he values the opportunity to support me.
My mum has been in remission from her cancer for about 16 months. She seems to be in the place of balance between feeling old but still wants was to live her life. But seems so incredibly torn with feeling her body it is not up to it. The mind wants and the body is slowing her down. We have talked a lot about what she wants at her end of life. I love her dark humour about it all, I know I am my mother's daughter in the way I can match her in conversation about death and dying. The the thing she worried about the most is a pain death. We have decided that we will experiment with medicinal marijuana. Some edibles first we think. Let the baking begin. BTW we don't have medical marijuana where I live. We joke about her getting her first criminal offence as a 76 year old granny. Personally I love the idea. Finger to 'the Man' I say. Anyway my mum has been able to convince my 85 year old aunt to go on a cruise to and around French Polynesia. This is something for her to look forward to. She cannot fly due to two blood clots she got from the chemo for her cancer. Which makes my possible move overseas a little devastating for me. But we will figure it out.
Anyway Zues a wee update from me. I still think of your often. You and a few others are the only reason I still stop by. Good to hear from you.
