My x would fight most with d20, our youngest and most vocal (and most troubled. AND probably related to what she saw from x...??)
Anyhow, these days in x's insane narrative, I am responsible for driving a wedge between x and d20,
AND d20 has suggested I did not back her up enough.
There is some truth to what SHE says b/c I wanted to keep the peace and so I tried to side 60/40 with x.
But I overlooked that when x would criticize d20 for "not pitching in enough in the house" I could have pointed out
that x was not living at the house! Being a dad and husband is more than paying the bills.
When x told me (once) that I "drove a wedge" between them, I managed to say
"H, you're going to have to spend a lot of psychic energy to believe that delusion."
So, my advice is to really ask yourself what is going on when there's a dispute.
Young people see things in a simple way sometimes,
BUT their clarity can also be the simple truth. Don't assume the argument they may have is about "who should drive" but dig into what it's really about.
Your d may feel she's not as important to her mom as her mom's outside interests
or she feels loyalty to you and wants to ENSURE her mom never does this again...
ask your C how to navigate these troubled times. Sure, kids are "resilient" But they are also human.
When x admitted (did not tell, but when asked, admitted) that he is marrying OW this month,
my older d29 cried. Said "I guess there won't be a grand lesson...this is who he is."
Maybe every kid, no matter what age, holds onto the hope that their parents will eventually reconcile and things will be good or better than before.
Which is beautiful and sweet and so very sad.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
